Weird, Wonderful World of Jeffrey Garcia, The: DVD

Dec 13, 2018

The brunt of this DVD’s eighty-minute run time is made up of two short films, Whimsy and Hester and Radio Candy. Whimsy and Hester runs about twenty minutes and concerns the plight of a set of conjoined teenage twins, desperate to lose their virginity before the big dance. Their dad huffs cleaning products! Their mom drinks! It’s madness I tell you! At the risk of spoiling this cinematic masterpiece for generations of impressionable youth (WARNING: I intend to do just that! Read no further, impressionable youth!), one twin loses her virginity, while the other doesn’t. The still-a-virgin twin becomes depressed over this regrettable state of affairs, so the de-virginized twin has sex with the other twin (I did mention they’re conjoined, right?), and everybody’s happy. But oh no! The de-virginized twin has given the other twin AIDS! They commit suicide by wrapping plastic bags around each other’s heads, and the movie ends with the dad urinating on his daughters’ still-conjoined corpses before floating them down the river on a raft. The end. As far as I can tell, it’s sorta like Trailer Park Boys meets Roger Corman filming a John Waters short film.

If that trips your trigger, you’ll certainly be agog for Radio Candy—at thirty-five minutes in length, a veritable Titanic of the genre. I won’t give away the plotline of that one—to be honest, I kinda forgot what it was —but you’ll love how the scene where the people jerk off on the wheelchair-bound grandma after battering her senseless with baseball bats segues right into a scene involving a crucifixion with a power drill. You’ll also adore how, on occasion, a dude will give another dude a blowjob—not to flesh out a character or advance the storyline or anything, but, you know, because it’s wacky! The remainder of the disc is given over to a bunch of much shorter pieces, sort of Robot Chicken style, of which Mysteries of the Universe is the most appealing. I could see hauling this cinematic masterpiece out at a party if everyone is hammered to the point of idiocy. Regifting is a suitable option as well. –Rev. Nørb (Pecan Crazy,