To Make Matters Worse By Danny Marianino, Audio Book

I hate, hate, hate this. With every fiber of my being. This double CD sat at the bottom of my review pile for the longest time. Partially because the other things I was reviewing were known gems, partially because I didn’t know a thing about it till I opened it. Danny Marianino is known for being the guy who laid out Danzig on video. He was the singer for a band called North Side Kings and they had some beef with Glen about set times in 2004. This video hit the internet in that sweet spot where things were just starting to go viral. The zeitgeist of the time created a perfect storm for this man’s fifteen minutes of fame. Marianino has been milking this cow years after it dried up.

To be honest, this isn’t even worth writing out a review for. It’s certainly not worth finishing. After the author, who is also the narrator, burst into laughter after recounting a story where he sprayed diarrhea on the bathroom walls to the point where someone vomited when they went in after him, I turned this pile of shit off.

Before that though, I got to hear about this poor man’s internal dilemma on whether to start an orgy with fat chicks while eating ribs, as well as when he was in Amsterdam and some guy put Marianino’s beer bottle up a woman’s ass while he was fucking her (his words, not mine).

It’s in this strange, no man’s land of offensive content where it’s meant to get under the skin of the audience by being crude, as well as appealing to knuckle-dragging punk bros who still laugh at fecal matter and break all the rules. Here’s an excerpt from this garbage heap:  “Usually pretty girls travel in packs so I figured it was a pretty good chance I was gonna meet a sweet babe that night. Boy, was I in for a surprise. I was about to enter a plus size women’s pool party. I don’t know if that’s an official thing, but at Brooklyn Boobs’ house that fateful day, a plus size women’s pool party was happening, and we were there to witness all the debauchery the girls could deliver. We were greeted by a girl that had a bathing suit on that was so large, you couldn’t actually see that she was wearing bottoms.”

If GG Allin were an audio book, this would be it. Stay the hell away from this. It’s written by a goblin of a man. The only redeeming value I could find in it was the format. At least I could be doing something productive while I listened to this gritty lo-fi amateur recording of a worthless book. I might actually set it on fire before I throw it in the dumpster. Now I feel like I got sucker punched by Marianino, too. –Kayla Greet (Total Gavone Publishing)