STALLONE N’ ROSES: When the Mountains Turn Blue: LP

Jul 21, 2023

At first blush, I thought this was one of those stock album cover designs like Flex Your Head had, where the customer picks out a generic design—in this case, some random people standing in front of some mountains with their backs to the camera—and typesets their info over the top of it. When I realized that, yes, this was really the cover design, and, yes, “Stallone N’ Roses” was really the name of the band, I feared this record was gonna be the work of a gaggle of unamusing louts singing unlistenable songs about how much they like beer and sandwich meat. However, while the “lout” thing might still be in play, this record is—rather shockingly—actually kinda great. It’s trashy, non-virtuoso, non-hi-fi, poppy, garagey punk that seems like it might clatter apart at any moment, but winds up as satisfying as squashing an empty beer can without hurting your insole. I’d describe ’em as kinda like Head, but without the Ramones fixation. I’m honestly still a little flabbergasted these guys don’t suck, especially when you factor in that they seem to like Coors Light. Jeepers. BEST SONG: “Poor Boy’s Holiday.” BEST SONG TITLE: “Way She Looked,” which is really not that great of a song title but it’s my second-favorite song here so I figured I’d better mention it. FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The technical term for an ink that changes color when heat/cold is applied is “thermochromic.” –Rev. Nørb (Fantastique)

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