Me & Mr. Cigar By Gibby Haynes, 245 pgs.

Oh, wow! A book by the guy from the Butthole Surfers! Whoa, those guys were crazy! They did a lot of drugs! Remember that time they had a shotgun and fired blanks into the audience? That was edgy! That’s, like, art and shit! They’re so provocative! Can you imagine if they had done that in the last five years instead of in 1991? Wait, weren’t the Butthole Surfers that band that didn’t think a 50/50 royalty split with Touch And Go Records was enough money? Don’t bands on major labels get like thirteen percent royalties? Wait, the Butthole Surfers signed to a major, right? How did that work out? Didn’t the Butthole Surfers take Corey Rusk to court? Why would they do that?

Wait, isn’t this a book review?

Oh, hey, Gibby wrote a book for teens! Zany! Why does the first part of the book sound so choppy and unedited? Why does Larry Teeter’s name change to Lytle Taylor and back? It’s not because the editor couldn’t make head or tail of some of this, right? And why do character’s names and descriptions repeat over and over? Why are teens the imagined audience for this wooden prose?

Oh, hey, after the intro the narration changes from third person to first person! Literary! And the main character grows up to be a drug dealer! Zany! But the drugs are, like, designer and shit, so it’s cool! And he promotes raves! Teens love stories about raves and MDMA deals, right? And the way the chapters are initially really short until the character does drugs and the chapter gets all long and impressionistic is very literary, am I right? Form following function and whatnot? Because this book for teens about a drug-dealing teen and psychedelia and a dog which gives birth to a weird zombie alien thing that chops off his sister’s hand is art and shit, right? It’s provocative and edgy! And intentional! Gibby did a lot of drugs! Zany! The Butthole Surfers were crazy! We have no reason to doubt this very intentional and zany story for teens, right?

Wait, why do I have so many questions? –Michael T. Fournier (Soho Teen, sohopress.com/sohoteen)