EXPERT PIE: Unintelligent Design: LP

Jan 24, 2024

Three middle-aged dudes walk into a garage with a guitar, a bass, and a drum set…. No, it’s not the setup to a hella hilarious joke, it’s the true origin story of Expert Pie, a three-piece punk outfit from Concord, Calif. Expert Pie take Boogadaboogadaboogada-era Screeching Weasel and the short, fast hardcore blasts of Youth Of Today as their lyrical and musical North Stars, respectively. Lyrically, they tackle social and political issues on “QAnon On,” (“Get your fucking QAnon, On!/ Get your fucking voter fraud, On!/ Get your fucking pizza gate, On!”), “Abort the Supreme Court” (“Clarence Thomas has no balls/ His wife’s the one who makes the calls!”) and “No One Is Treading on You” (“A false sense of entitlement rules the day/ Karens and privileged bigots throw tantrums/ As they want more freedom than everyone else”). The messages are a little on the nose, but I don’t disagree. Where the record sinks its puerile hooks into me are unabashedly juvenile tunes that I find disconcertingly endearing. “Fart Jar” is an ode to getting rich selling bottled farts on Craigslist. Not silly enough? Well, then, check out “Motorboatable Man Boobs,” a song that may be about the confusing sexual impulses experienced in the presence of male chesticles. I cringe, but I also chuckle. Hard. Each tune is delivered in under two minutes at breakneck speed, save for the album closer that might be two-and-a-half minutes at most. I gotta say, reading the lyric sheet before listening to the record, I expected not to like Unintelligent Design. But, dagnabbit, Expert Pie won me over. –Josh Benke (

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