WILDHEARTS, THE: Riff after Riff: CD

Apr 13, 2008

First off, this is the third-worst kick drum sound i’ve ever heard on record (behind only that of NOFX and the worst-there-ever-could-be Me First & The Gimme Gimmes). Second off, my Advance Nu-Metal Warning System™ emits horrifying blasts of dire static at periodic intervals when i experience this product. Third off, with a name this gay and graphics this lame (or is it “a name this lame and graphics this gay?” I forget exactly whom i intend to offend here), i do not blame myself whatsoever for not having Clue One whom this band was, even though they’ve apparently been putting out records since 1993. Fourth off, this record kicks ass, so go the fuck figure. I mean, i’m running the key algorithms thru my brain as we speak: If Cheap Trick, who were compelled to palliate their Anglophiliac leanings (e.g. The Move, The Beatles, The Who) with liberal doses of Midwestern Arena Clod Rock for yokel-pleasing purposes, were, in fact, Anglos who were compelled to palliate their more melodic aspects with liberal doses of the rube-rock of their time and place (Nu-Metal last time i checked), would not Cheap Trick’s One On One album, then, sound much like Riff After Riff? Best answer i can come up with is “yup.” One second they’ll be playing these BUGGACHUGGACHUG! DUGGACHUGGABUGG! guitar parts, with the singer sounding like Chad Price of All trying to hork up a football, next second the guy’s singing like Robin Zander, the sun is out, and everybody’s drinking free wine coolers. Damnedest thing. And it actually works, that’s the nutty part. Rocks about as hard as a Joan Jett album (on average); my math says that logically this should be the kind of record that almost everyone likes – insuring that there’s about a 99.9% probability that it turns out to be the kind of record almost everyone hates. ROCK THAT LAKE OF PISS ACE FREHLEY ALIVE I STYLE, MOTHERFUCKER!!! BEST SONG: “Return to Zero” BEST SONG TITLE: “Stormy in the North, Karma in the South” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: He’s gonna get HIGH, he’s gonna get LOW, he’s gonna get HIGH and return to zero. I guarantee it! 

 –norb (Gearhead)