Not that its particularly relevant to the subject of this column, but Im currently going through a divorce. Thats why its been awhile since you, gentle reader, have been graced with one of my columns extolling the virtues of various rock bands and their websites and such: frankly, I havent been thinking much about that kind of thing, and Im loath to force myself. One, its not like Im earning some huge amount of money for doing this (or any amount of money, actually), so its not like I need to fake enthusiasm for popular music the way, say, the chick who writes those horrible music pieces for Newsweek does; and two, I become tremendously dissatisfied with my writing when its hacked out. Im not sure if you all can always tell the difference, but I suspect the brighter bulbs among the handful of urchins comprising my (cough) audience can. Id like to think so, anyway, and more importantly I can tell the difference.
So no tracts on why vinyl fetishists arent even fooling themselves or how theres really not any objective difference between boomers love for the Beatles and Stones and todays preteens love for the Backstreets and NSyncs of the world have been flying through my cortex for the past several weeks. My thoughts have largely not been of a nature I care to share in this venue, though Im sure you can fill in the blanks yourself quite adequately. If not, well, wait ten or so years and youll be able to, trust me on this.
However, something I saw recently jolted me off of my emotional flagellation treadmill, something that stirred such a sense of outrage in me that my petty problems must be put aside: an injustice, nay, an abomination--such a monument to absurdity that it irresistibly compels one to take up arms, to declare once and for all that NO! I WILL NOT ABIDE THIS INSANITY IN SILENCE!
I refer, of course, to the brand-new Echo & the Bunnymen box set.
Now, before you say to yourself, Whats this idiot going on about? There are dozens of box sets around, whats one more?think for a moment. WHY do record companies issue box sets? To make money. They are attractive, high-priced items that effectively move four (or more) times the merchandise and concomitant dollar value in one purchase. Still, there are usually solid rationales leading up to the issue of a box set: perhaps the artist in question has more hits than comfortably fit on a single CD. Perhaps the artists work doesnt lend itself to the hits-cherrypicking approach. Maybe the artist has been acclaimed by many critics, building a demand for work that might otherwise have gone overlooked. Could be the artist has several albums that are out of print, and clamoring fans might as well get them all at once in one convenient package. Possibly the artists work is actually good enough to merit a career overview that extends well over four hours of quality material. And hey, maybe the artist just sold an assload of records and they want to resell the same stuff again to the same people and make another assload of money.
None of these hypothetical suppositions apply to Echo and the Bunnymen.
Following are ten points of argument--each one of which alone should have provided sufficient evidence to prevent this horror from being unleashed on the world.
So pleaseI know its easy to be distracted away from the real issues by things like that inbred bastard puppet calling itself our president or having what you thought was your life torn away from you in a matter of days, but we must come together as one and fight this insidious evil. We thought the monster was dead in 1988we thought we were safe, we thought we could let our guard down. Now look whats happened. Like Godzilla and Rodans irradiated offspring (only about one millionth as cool) it has risen from its grave to threaten all of civilization, and only by sacrifice and sweat can we respect ourselves and our culture once more.
Truthfully, we have no other choice. Struggle or perish. Life is not always pretty.
I thank you for your attention.
Author Aaron J. Poehler is recovering quite nicely, thanks for asking. The recuperative effects of getting as far away from Indiana as possible cannot be overestimated. You can read more of his writing from the past several years on his website at http://www.angelfire.com/in2/aaronmusicarchives/.