VENOM: Metal Black: CD

Hmmm, a new Venom album, recorded in 2005 with one original member. Okay, look guys, I know that you coined the term “black metal” which has since become a very huge subgenre of heavy metal, and you guys were totally inspirational to all those church-burning murder-committing Norwegian bands and blah blah blah your street cred list is a mile long, but you know, Venom was never really that good. Remember the song, “Teacher’s Pet”? That shit’s not evil, it sounds like the name of a Van Halen song. Well anyway, this new record fucking sucks. Sure, it’s Cronos’ easily recognizable voice and everything, but the music is trite, uninspired nu metal with lots of those little harmonic dive-bomb guitar squeals that everyone seems to think is so heavy and shit. Yuck. This record is a sucky piece of crappy crap. Don’t buy it.

 –ben (Sanctuary Records Group, www.sanctuaryrecordsgroup.com)