VELVET TEEN, THE: Immortality: 7″

Lured by the purty picture disk, I was punished by listening to something that, by comparison, made the Carpenters sound as heavy as Slayer or Enya as fast as Bad Brains. Even if I were a fourteen-year-old girl wearing nothing but a Slinky, I’d still think I could kick all these guys asses and bitch slap ‘em with their own arms, but they’d probably start playing and I’d fall asleep. Fuck you all, you triangle-tinkling Tylenol PM of a band. I’ve read children’s stories more threatening.

 –todd (Pandacide)