TRASH BRATS, THEE: American Disaster: LP

This band played at the Avalon Nightclub. About four hundred people were at the show. The jam session was awesome. It whupped a lion’s ass. Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats. The band played it on. The band got down. The crowd roared like a lion. It whupped a mule’s ass (i actually would not go so far as to say that this band whups a mule’s ass. There’s something about the concept of melding late ’80s glam-hair-metal with punkrock that seems to inherently point out that punkrock-flavored glam-metal might be the way to go [if you’re interested], but that glam-metal flavored punkrock, if you do the math, really has no chance of succeeding, at least not the way you want it to, and i tend to suspect that bands like the Trash Brats are hearing/thinking “punkrock flavored glam metal,” but it’s coming out glam metal-flavored punkrock, which is okay, but not exactly Rock Sensation Sweepin’ The Nation material). Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats (which is not to say that i find no value in this band; “Eatin’ Crow” is cool in a first GG Allin LP kinda way, “Imitation Generation” did, in fact, have me legitimately contemplating whether the band intended it to sound like imitation Generation X [uh, the band], and “Hungry Eyeballs” evoked some of the Vandals’ better faux-country moments. Also, the wah-wah in “Must Be Cocaine” is most boss!). The show was over at last (truer than you know: One of the most glaring problems with this record is that ALMOST ALL THE SONGS ARE WAY TOO FUCKING LONG. Hey, it’s only a clever, catchy line the first seventy-two times you hear it! These songs drag out to the point where you begin to personally resent the song for not being over with, then they usually add these sort of smart-ass epic endings to them, merely for the sake of frivolity, which would have been okay had the song not worn out its welcome two choruses previous. “Feeding the Mosquitos” is one of my favorite songs on the album, due in no small part to the fact that i only consider it twenty seconds too long). A lot of people met the band. The rock show was awesome (i will go so far as to say that the song “Suicide Dedication” – you’re supposed to request it for your ex right before you off yourself, so whenever the song plays after that people will talk shit about WHAT A MEAN CRUEL HEARTLESS FUCKING BITCH SHE WAS, not that i know any girls like that, no sir, not me – is legitimately great, the kind of thing NOFX would have already done if they were as unworthless as people claim they are, which i have never seen shred one of evidence to support. Too bad you can only really use it effectively once, as opposed to the far more utilitarian “Suicidal Failure” by Suicidal Tendencies). It was a whupping on a mule’s ass (this band has a song called “Bubblegum Girl.” If Saddam Hussein ever gets a weapon whereby he can combine “Bubblegum Girl” with the Teen Idols’ “Peanut Butter Girl,” i AM gonna off myself, because i can’t take the fucking horror such a thing would unleash). Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats, Trash Brats.  Rock over London. Rock on, Chicago. General Motors: We never forget who’s driving. BEST SONG TITLE: “No Jangle Thrust”  BEST SONG: “Suicide Dedication” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: I swear to God the melody from “Who Put the Words” is heisted from that goddamn “I’d Like to teach the World to Sing” Coca-Cola® commercial circa 1971!

 –norb (Alien Snatch)