TORG: Hot Yogurt Enema: CD

From the letter attached to the CD: “we do understand that not everyone will like our music but are hoping that if you don’t like it you could at least make the review as funny as possible so that we could still post it on our website.” I mean, WHAT the FUCK am i supposed to do NOW??? All i really know is that before i listened to this, i looked at the cover and thought “hmm…this graphic design evokes the look of the Meet the Beatles album cover.” Fifty minutes later, when the lumbering punk/rock/metal/bodily function assault had ceased, i looked at the cover again – two flabby bruisers in Sloppy Seconds’ weight class, the first holding microphones both fore and aft to the second gentleman, ostensibly to capture the sonic rapture of his dual-ended gas passing – and my first thought was that i wished it was a three-hundred-pound chick on there instead, so they could add a third mic and go for the fart/belch/queefe trifecta (i guess it’s sorta like i heard San Diego described – you lose forty IQ points just stepping off the plane). The one legitimately brilliant song in this showcase of suavity is “Not Quite a Love Song (Clam Slop),” which sounds, almost unbelievably, like El Duce fronting the Jimi Hendrix Experience. I’ll put this on at a party at least once before i die, but if it gets taken off ten seconds into song #2, i won’t throw the first punch, especially not when i still can’t figure out whether they’re the Rancid Vat or the Horshacks of the new millennium. BEST SONG TITLE: “Burping up Barf” BEST SONG: “Based on a True Story” or “Not Quite a Love Song (Clam Slop) AMAZING FANTASTIC TRIVIA FACT: The singer’s name is “G.G. Duce,” but, unconscionably, no member’s name is “Peter Torg.”

 –norb (Clambake)