The Irving Klaws: A Pervasonically Hedonistic Hoe-Down of a Discussion... By Roger Moser Jr.

Mar 18, 2001

Blastin' outta the infernal bowels of Buffalo, New York and wreakin' all-out rock'n'roll havoc along the way, the sinfully scorchin' Irving Klaws roar with rabidly crazed rockabilly rowdiness and gargantuan garage rumblings of neurotic nastiness. Being the mayhemic music-makers, sizzlin' scene shakers, and hellhound heartbreakers they most assuredly are, these maddaddy musical mavericks have eternally implanted their energetically swashbucklin' swirl of life-enriching aural intensity within my inner ears to the brain-pummelin' point that I can no longer sit still, dammit! Yep, I've become a full fledged, foamin'-at-the-mouth, demented devotee of the cranium-crackin' creed of Klaws, so this here diabolical lil' deliberation was a surefire predestined historically significant event. So sit back, imbibe, and enjoy, kiddies! Many lip-smackin' thanks to The Irving Klaws for patiently pondering my inept and inebriated fanboy inquiries.

Inquiring idiocy conjured by the maddened mind of Rockin' Rog of Dungview, Texxxas.

Photographic visual genius compliments of Sue Lewke, David Gutierrez, and Mistress Jen Nail.

Roger: Just who the hell is this howlin' hootenanny collectively known as the Irving Klaws? Please uproariously introduce yourselves, and inform the blood-curdled cult of Razorcake about each of your instrument -mangling hijinks...
Dave: Hello, my name is David Carlos Gutierrez, and I enjoy long naps on the beach, grilled cheese sandwiches, brown eyes, painkillers, sleep, rock'n'roll records, fetish-flavored photos, creating crop circles in my spare time and pretending to play a Gibson SG guitar and a Big Briar Etherwave Theremin for the rock'n'roll trio known as The Irving Klaws. Gary Glitter is my hero, thank you very much.
Rob: Howdy, My name is Rob Peltier, and not only am I in charge of playing the upright-doghouse bull bass fiddle in the little rock'n'roll outfit known as The Irving Klaws, but I'm also the band's flintknapper, hairstylist, camp cook and spiritual advisor. In addition to this, I have a penchant for Irish Wolfhounds.
Wheeze: This is Wheeze. In between watching reruns of late '60s "Spiderman," "Hilarious House of Frightenstein," and "H.R. Puf-n-Stuf," I gaze at pictures of Kim Shattuck and play the stand up kit for The Klaws.
Roger: How about a hedonistically harrowing history and educationally enlightening info-laden rant regarding the creation, formation, and gestation of the eerily intoxicatin' Irving Klaws?!
Rob: We had all played in many bands in the years before the creation of The Irving Klaws, but it wasn't until the spring of '96, when Dave, Wheeze, and a second guitar player were putting together sort of an instrumental band and asked me to join. The second guitar player left after a few months, which in turn freed us up to do exactly what we had all dreamed of doing for years - and that's to play bare bones rock'n'roll with no limitations. In a way, I believe we've been blessed by the gods of rock'n'roll, because we all share the same philosophy; do what you want, when you want, and don't give a fiddler's fart about trying to fit into any particular musical genre. It's not possible for us to play strictly "garage," "surf," or "rockabilly." What we do, in a way, is a blend of many different styles. It would be ridiculous to deny any of our musical influences.
Dave: Let's see... I was in a band with Wheeze called Ray Pist and the Sick Sick Sicks. They kicked Wheeze out, then they sort of let me go. Around this same period of time, in the mid to late '90s, another group I was in called The Magi Chippie split up. A bit uptight and frustrated with things, Wheeze and I decided to form a fun rock'n'roll band. Originally, I think the idea was to be more instrumental, Las Vegas Grind styled tunes. Somehow Wheeze, who played in the Quakes for a short time, got a hold of Rob (who was sort of a free agent), because the main force behind the Quakes, Paul Roman, had moved to Arizona. Legend has it, it was the same day or the day after Paul had left Buffalo, NY that Wheeze called! Rob said ok, and we also had another guy Jeff J., who went on to do Slick And The Devil Girls, on guitar. So, we originally started out as a four piece and played maybe 3-4 gigs that way until Jeff J. moved to Atlanta, GA. Somehow, from those few shows, we were getting offers for gigs and having a good time, so we decided to stick to it. None of us grew up together or anything like that. Basically, a happy accident of fate and now here we are. And we manage to get along better than most bands!
Wheeze: The idea for this band when we formed was to play original rock'n'roll inspired by 1965-1966 rock'n'roll, but with an upright bass instead of an electric. Around '57, the upright was slowly being replaced by the electric, because it was new and probably cheaper for teens to buy. Anyway, good thing Dave and I were ousted by the other band, because playing with Rob again is just the best thing to happen. He's kinda like if Keith Moon was a songwriter who played an upright instead of a drumkit. He puts more energy into one song than most of the many clones of the Ramones bands have for their entire careers.

Roger: In your humbly expressive opinion, who is the most curvaceously spectacular and proportionately perfect pin-up princess of all infinitely titillating time? Please bolster your boobie-bouncing babe of choice with a lewd and lascivious descriptive dissertation of her finest orgasm-inducing angelic assets and deviantly divine naughty lil' nob polishing attributes...
Wheeze: I'd have to say Tempest Storm as my personal favorite. Especially in the great '60s slasher flick "Mondo Deprevados," where her hair battles it out with her bustline and her acting abilities! Don't get me wrong, she was gorgeous in the '50s; it's just that I prefer the vertical hair better.
Rob: Hmmm, Let's do this ... OK, I have this crush on silent film star Louise Brooks. Wow, what a cutie! In 1928, millions of American women followed her example and cut their hair into a short bob; she was a trend setter. Brooks had this sexy subtle goth quality about her, in movies like "Beggars of Life," "Diary of a Lost Girl," and "Pandora's Box." I wonder if she still dates?
Dave: Ahhh... just one? Well, I love Julie Newmar as the Catwoman (yum yum!) but I would have to vote for my favorite actress, and that would be the incredible Allison Hayes. She is best known for her gigantic role as the classic and beautiful giantess in "Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman." She starred in a few other B movies like "The Undead," "The Disembodied," "The Unearthly," and "Zombies of Mora Tau." She is a statuesque demon tart with a great body! I think I love her because of her face; I have a thing for girls that look bitchy, evil, mean etc. Besides, who could be bigger and better than the original "50 Foot Woman"? (Daryl Hannah was a weak replacement for the remake, BTW). Allison did do some pin up work, but she is still fairly obscure. Tana Louise from the old Exotique magazines is also a fetish beauty queen! And for those of you shaking your head because we didn't pick Betty Page; tough cookies! There's more to Irving Klaw's legacy than just pictures of her!
Roger: Who's the coolest most bad-ass rockabilly catdaddy and/or psychosonic garage mutt of 'em all? And who most influenced your hellfire howl of rootin'-tootin' raunchabilly musical miscreance and garagey psychopunk swirl of tune-sizzlin' madness?
Rob: Before there was Jimi Hendrix, before there was Prince, before there was anybody... there was the one and only true king/queen of rock'n'roll, Little Richard. Let's face it, this guy was more of a threat to uptight white middle class parents in the '50s than any Marilyn Manson or Trent Rezner could be today. Huge hair, make up, outrageous clothes, $1000-a-day coke habit - this cat indisputably personified the rock'n'roll form. He truly is an originator and one of the most influential performers in the history of rock'n'roll. I mean, who doesn't cover Little Richard songs? It's pretty much a prerequisite for any band who wants to play rock'n'roll to do at least one of his songs.
Dave: Lux Interior of the Cramps and Roky Erickson of the 13th Floor Elevators! No one can touch Lux as a performer! He is a dastardly demented deviant demon on fire every time I have had the honor to see him perform! With Lux, you can feel the power of rock'n'roll burning him up and down! He's beyond possessed - it's chilling, horrifying and fuckin' beautiful! As for Roky Erickson, he has always been a favorite of mine even though I have never had the delight of seeing him perform. His voice is one of the greatest in rock'n'roll, ever! He is probably one of the few performers that I would actually love to meet! I don't care if he is considered an "acid casualty," I think he is a living messiah as well as being a link and, of course, interpreter to other worlds. I would also love to steal a pair of Poison Ivy's shoes, but that's another story.
Wheeze: Ron Haydock, star of "Rat Pfink a Boo Boo." Kicks magazine ran an article on Ray Dennis Steckler's pal Ron a while back. And it was interesting to see a guy who idolized Gene Vincent, wrote for Famous Monsters, then branched off and penned porn books under different pseudonyms: Lonnie Lord, Vin Saxon, etc.. Then he went crazy, shaved his head, and wandered in front of a fucking semi on Route 66 the same day Elvis fell into the shag carpet for the last time. Haydock definitely embodied rock'n'roll, that's for sure!

Dave: The Cramps were a huge influence on me in high school, as well as local Buffalo, NY rock legends, The Splatcats. It was bands like these that led me down the slippery, seductive slope of serious rock'n'roll addiction. They managed to spark a fire in me that had me diggin' for strange records at flea markets, garage sales, thrift stores, and junk shops. I am still a total thrift whore today! Anyhow, you begin to see this whole "underground" world of garage, punk, surf, rockabilly, and more! If you do your homework, you end up discovering all the great stuff like The Sonics, The Stooges, The Troggs, The Trashmen, The Velvet Underground, The 13th Floor Elevators and many more. And eventually, you will dig up the kind of "obscure" groups you find on Teenage Shutdown, Pebbles, Sin Alley, and Las Vegas Grind compilations. All these are essential listening for anyone who thinks they love rock'n'roll! Overall, though, I would say my biggest influences have been The Cramps, The 13th Floor Elevators, Trio, and Link Wray. But I love everything from Echo and The Bunnymen, Gene Vincent, Butthole Surfers, Green Pajamas, Fleshtones, Howlin' Wolf, Captain Beefheart, T. Rex, Mercury Rev, Davie Allan and etc... ugghh, you get the idea! I am pretty open minded about all music, "obscure" or well known. If I like it, I like it, end of story. I hate narrow-minded musical thinking! Music is like food; why not taste all the fuckin' flavors? This probably explains my weight problem! A breakthrough!
Rob: My musical influences are extremely eclectic. I have a record collection that includes everything from old jazz 78's to hardcore. However, one of my greatest inspirations was the rockabilly revival that occurred during the late seventies/early eighties. After discovering bands like The Polecats, The Bopcats, The Rockats, The Elvis Brothers, The Shakin' Pyramids, and, of course, The Stray Cats, I knew I needed a bass, and I needed one fast! Fourteen years later, I realize now my influences run the entire gamut of popular music, including jazz, blues, western swing, country, big band, folk and traditional. That's right, everything from Wilf Carter to the Buzzcocks, from Django Reinhart to T. Rex, from... well, you get the picture.
Wheeze: I was lucky to meet my pal Butch Audacity when I was growing up, because classic rock was the religion in my hometown, and if you didn't pledge allegiance to Zeppelin and Rush, you were committing heresy and most likely going to receive a severe beating! I met him at a comic book store babbling about Dr. Strange, and I ended up going over to his house on the weekend, and there I discovered the Stooges, the Scientists, Birthday Party, Screamin' Lord Sutch, the Fugs, the Flesheaters etc... You know, the whole plethora of great, weird rock'n'roll! It was like taking LSD for the first time. I've never been the same since. I know the drinking age has destroyed a lot of discovery for kids in the '90s, but they really don't have an excuse to not know the truly great bands of the past. Considering all the access to records on the internet and such.
Roger: Any inebriating endorsements regarding brew-saturated beverages of the alcohol-laced variety? Or do ya righteously prefer the predictable simplistic serenity of complete and utter sobriety? Speak now, motherfuckers, or forever hold your penises...
Dave: Can I tell you about booze and still hold my penis? Well, I love beer. Around here, I drink a lot of Labbatt's Blue and Molson Canadian beer. I am not too picky about beer. I do love Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. Bully Hill wines are also very cool! My other choices would be Jose Cuervo Tequila, Monte Alban Mezcal (worm! Yum, yum), Crown Royal and Barenjager Honey Liquor. Mix with some Loratab pills, and you've got levitation! (Kids don't try this at home; do it at a friend's house whose parents are out of town!)
Wheeze: I work at a great brewery, so I don't drink cheap beer anymore. We played with The Damned near Halloween 1999, and Vanian, the Captain, Patricia, and Co. came in that same day when I wasn't working. Needless to say, I nearly slit my wrists over that! But I finally met them anyways and interviewed Dave Vanian for the Noises from the Garage fanzine.

Rob: I was warned not to hold my wiener like that anymore, at least not in front of mixed company. Nevertheless, I drink a lot of Canadian beer, like Labbatts and Molson, because it tastes good, it's good for you, and it's the right thing to do. I'm from Buffalo; that practically makes me Canadian anyhow.
Roger: An imbecilic inquiry of questionable nature: Have you ever been mellow ... ? Have you ever tried? Ha, ha, ha, pardon my perverse plagiaristic tendencies to quirkily quote Olive FigNewton Johnson's classic crapfest of a 1970's song! But such juvenilistic tomfoolery on my part conjures this next line of spine-quivering questioning: Which rat-turd release of the past four decades most repugnantly repulses you to such a devastating degree that, upon hearing it, you automatically uncontrollably cover yourself in thick, chunky coats of fetid vomit? Explicitly explain yourselves until you're blue in the face, belly, and balls...
Dave: I am a very mellow bald alien who happens to get a bit sick when I hear anything by Hole or El Anus Morrissette. Courtney Love is the bad kind of evil, and I rarely say that! In general, I am a fond believer and lover of EVIL. To all young female witches reading this now, I say to thee "if you're gonna do something, do something witchy!" Oh, and take pictures of yourself, and send them to our PO Box, and we'll send you back extra special super powers, I promise! Creed really makes my bowels move, too! Yuck!
Rob: All right, all right, so I suffer from blue balls. Anyhow, not that I ever listen to top 40, but occasionally I do hear the Bare Naked Ladies, and just the sound of those vocals makes me want to punch the singer's teeth out the back of his neck. The Spanish Inquisition would be too good for these guys. For what reason would anyone need to mention Leane Rimes (spelling) in any song is beyond me. I've been prescribed pills, which I carry around with me just in case I ever hear that song again.
Wheeze: We've all been mellow. But whenever I hear anything by that Edith Bunker-like caterwaul of Axl Rose and his loadie patrol band, I get a migraine! Why do people think Mrs. Miller is a joke? Haven't they heard "Appetite for Repulsion"? And that dork has been recording a new album for 6-8 years now! Wow. How exciting... The only other singer who comes close is Eddie Vedder's Burl Ives impressions on those limp-wristed '70s-throwback Pearl Jam songs. Third runner up are those pretentious Canadian weenbags Tragically Hip and Bare Naked ladies. I'd go off on the brit pop scene, but anyone who likes rock'n'roll knows what a load of dog shit all that is.
Roger: Please rowdily regale our blurry-eyed lil' Razorcake-perusin' populace of any sonically dazzlin' side projects you've cacophonously contributed to lately! Also, how about an informatively in-depth description of the Treebirds and your evilly tantalizing auditory involvement with them...

Dave: Well, Wheeze and Rob appear on Slick And The Devil Girls 7", featuring Jeff J. "Slick" on Sinner records. Rob plays on the Tiger Army CD but is NOT a member of that group. We all appear on the Treebirds' "Needle in Her Eye" EP on Skullfuckin' Records. I acted as "producer" on the Treebirds project. One of the songs is on The Irving Klaws' last full length Get Hip release, "Pajama Party." The Treebirds are led by Western New York's answer to Captain Beefheart, the mysterious and hopelessly evil Johnny Satan, who allowed us to use his electric sitar and farfisa organ on our first full length CD, "The Pervasonic Sounds of..." (Get Hip #1083). Satan has a fondness for threatening to cut you, as well as a strange obsession with what he calls "Choclicity." He never sleeps, and he is something like an evil Tom Waits mixed with something terribly wrong. Hopefully, he will do more recordings as The Treebirds. Keep an eye out for that name. I've also played some Theremin parts here and there for some local groups. Nothing in print, though.
Wheeze: I've known Satan for a while now. Quite a character, never boring! He has stories about Jeffrey Lee from the Gun Club hitting on him, taking pictures of Jimi Hendrix when he was 15, banging Natalie Merchant, turning Michael Stipe away from smoking hash, sharing a practice space with the Butthole Surfers in NYC, partying with Rupaul before he was she, etc... He is an evil rock'n'roll genius who has been around! We are currently working on a new song collaboration called "Cave Woman Eyebrow."
Roger: Perversely speakin', in your own sick-and-twisted, self-gratifyin' supposition, what is the most eye-bulgin', tallywhacker-throbbin' erogenously-stimulatin' intimately erotic mainstream movie moment? For example, the crazystraw-slurpin'-champagne-out-of-a-strategically-inserted-glass scene in "Deep Throat" really gets my nads a-revvin' (Ooops, that's not exactly an everyday family-oriented popcorn and Pepsi feature flick, is it?!).
Rob: That one's easy; any scene with Nastassia Kinski in the film "Cat People." It makes me randy - baby, yeah!
Dave: Let's see... I love the scene in "Dusk Till Dawn" where Selma H. stands above you and talks about making you lick the shit off her boot heel or something. I like that. It's poetry in motion, baby.
Wheeze: Oh, Something Weird Video has been putting out - those big bust loops and things for awhile. There's one where Marsha Jordan, Uschi Digart, and Candy Samples smother this guy! Also, another segment has this girl plunging her neckline with a carrot! That's just beyond lewd. And third runner up would be Candy Samples showering. Horrific, but arousing.
Roger: Which of these unlikely and politically inexperienced celebrities/scoundrels would you openly endorse as a presidential candidate if given the honorary opportunity? Ron Jeremy, Don Knotts, Muhammad Ali, Farah Fawcett, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ike Turner, Charles Manson, Christy Canyon, Ringo Starr, Bo Diddley, Etta James, or me?
Rob: I would give YOU an enthusiastic endorsement, if you should ever run. Perhaps you could run on the Pervasonic Platform and get rid of all that "just say no" and "not me, not now" crap! I also think Tony Clifton would be a great running mate for you. He's very outspoken and seems like a guy who gets the job done, one way or the other. I hear he has a lot of pull in Las Vegas; you could really do well in Nevada.
Dave: You mean Death Race 2000? I would vote for Ringo Starr; he's my favorite Beatle. He's a mocker, ya know. Vice president should be Ron Jeremy; he has what it takes, and everybody knows it.
Wheeze: Those are great choices, but I think it would be great if Nardwuar ran. Just imagining his annoying whine pissing off everyone in the White House is too hilarious! Come to think of it, he would annoy the entire planet on a daily basis.
Roger: What are your as-yet-unfulfilled fantasies and ambitiously motivated goals for the future, and what the hell do you wanna be when you grow up?
Dave: Let's see, I am still waiting to be humiliated, feminized and sexually assaulted by a vicious gang of high school girls in prom dresses and gloves... I am also hoping to be abducted by 30 ft. alien women wearing silver go-go boots and capes... ahhhh, what a way to die! Goals for the future are to not have to suck the corporate cock and to not have to slave for the man. I would also like to run a strip club/go go bar /record/junk store some day. I want to be beautiful when I grow up.
Wheeze: To set up a three-way wrestling match with Jerry Only, Glenn Danzig, and Bobby Steele to settle their squabbling, once and for all. Jeff Clayton from Antiseen could referee with Christy Canyon at ring-side. Maybe ECW would be interested? Another ambition is to see a behind-the-music on VH-1 about Flipper!
Rob: Hmm .... I hope some day that The Irving Klaws will be such a big success that we have our own TV show, featuring little comedy skits and stuff like that ... kind of like The Sonny and Cher show; real classy.
Roger: Any skull-bruisin' closing comments or infamously suitable last words?
Wheeze: Some woman from Jack Rabid's The Big Takeover said we play redneck hillbilly rock. Of course, Dave found out that she writes poetry most of the time, so there goes that review right out the window. She should stick to her poetry career, cuz that's like saying the Dead Boys were a techno band! Rednecks from Buffalo, NY?
Dave: For the computer geeks out there like me, please checkout our website at . It's run by the fabulous DaisyBB (thank you!)) and there you can see our ugly mugs, as well as some great artwork by Wheeze and some pin up photos by yours truly. And any girls who send us their used stockings, panties, gloves, shoes, etc ... we will send you some very cool free Klaws merch in return! In fact, anyone who writes us a letter and includes something fucked up and/or kinky (pictures especially) and a bunch of stamps will get at the very least, a free 7" record! Hell, do it just to get the mail! For booking info and obscene phone calls, contact me at or write to: The Irving Klaws, PO BOX 1231, Buffalo, NY 14213-1231. Not everyone gets an Amazon! Take it sleazy. We hope to tour this summer! And thank you ROG for being as PERVASONIC as we are!
And thank you Rog, for being as pervasonic as we are!