TEARS, THE: She Ain’t Right b/w Death in Texas & Don’t Care About Nothing: 7″

The first promo blurb i saw for this record described the band’s sound as being something to the effect of “if the Muffs were on Crypt Records,” which, having seen the band live, i thought might’ve been a bit of wishful thinking on the parts of all parties concerned. However, after further viewing and listening, i have come to the conclusion that the vocals are, in fact, sufficiently Muffsian enough, and the music, in fact, sufficiently Cryptish enough to at least warrant the comparison – and i’ll go you one better if you’ve got the nerve: i think the pegged-out destructo-bash production (or lack thereof), at least on the a-side, brings to mind salient whiffs of the first coupla Guitar Wolf albums (potentially with a half-carafe of “Steppin’ Stone” on the side!), so there. My main bone of contention with the record – which is, invariably, the same bone of contention i have with multiple records each issue – is that bands have GOT to make better assessments of how much song they have to work with, how long the song should last for optimum results, and then take steps to NOT run the song any longer than that. I mean, for fuck’s sake, in “Death in Texas,” they go “death in Texas, death in Texas!” about twenty fucking trillion thousand times before the song is over; by about the third round of “death in Texas, death in Texas”es, i’m about ready to heave a shoe at the fucking stereo. YES. I GET IT. “DEATH IN TEXAS, DEATH IN TEXAS.” RIGHT. GOT IT. CAN I PLEASE GO NOW??? I mean, i actually start feeling legitimate dread when i hear them going into the “death in Texas, death in Texas” parts, because i know i’m gonna hafta sit thru “Death in Texas, death in Texas! Death in Texas, death in Texas! Death in Texas, death in Texas!” for the umpteenth lifetime (it’s sorta like why i hate when bands do that song “I’m A Man” – who the fuck wants to sit thru some slowpoke spelling out “M-A-N?” I mean, I CAN SPELL FUCKING “MAN,” OKAY???). I was sick of the song before it even finished. And, the thing of it is, all you gotta do to bypass this particular Cherry Pitfall™ are simple little things like making the first chorus half the length of the second chorus, which also adds tension to the first chorus, and drama to the second (somehow). Whatever. Nice simultaneous double lead guitar throughout, there must be a lot more pot around than when i was a young’un. BEST SONG: “She Ain’t Right” BEST SONG TITLE: I think i used to like “Death In Texas”… the first twelve million billion times i heard it. FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Rhymes with “bears,” not with “beers.”

 –norb (Bancroft)