TAPE MONSTER / GAS STATION OF LOVE: Split: CS

Allentown, Pa. enigma Tape Monster’s first three tracks are basically the aural equivalent of connecting to the internet via a dial-up modem. By the fourth track, you are online discussing EVP phenomenon with teenagers on 4chan’s /x/ board, and playing 4 Wheel Thunder for Dreamcast while your mom uses the blender to make margaritas so she can momentarily forget she gave birth to you. Austin’s Gas Station Of Love turns in tracks five through eleven. Respectively: “Meggs Nog,” a street corner knockoff of Naked City. “Spacepussy,” which could’ve been recorded by RuPaul’s cystic twin. “Pepp Pizza,” which might’ve been a Baz Luhrman song, had he sustained a serious head injury. “Codeine Outlaw,” which I imagine is what having no friends sounds like. “Herb222,” which is twelve and a half minutes long, and I respect you guys too much to lie and say I listened to it. “U.N.,” which either features slow-mo Donald Duck descending into H.P. Lovecraft levels of madness or a fussy baby being shot with a machine gun. The cassette finishes out with “Tranny Porn.” Epic trolling, dude.

 –Kelley O’Death (Self-released)