SPACE CRETINS: Direct from the Superfreak Highway: CD

Jul 02, 2009

…i actually totally do understand why some musical outfits attempt to present themselves as glammy, punky, intergalactic Rock Savior™ types, regardless of the health/cred risks involved with such a caper: It’s usually a sure sign that the parties involved have become BORED OFF THEIR ASS with the sonic and aesthetic drabness of their surroundings, and are attempting, with one mighty strum, to wash the bleach away and erect ((giggity)) temples of color and sex and neon and shiny silver stuff and monster movies and action figures and Japanese consumer products that use a lot of magenta in the packaging and Mud videos and “Rock & Roll Part. 2” and the like—all of which, of course, i find to be reasonably well-intentioned. IT’S GOING TO BE A NEW ERA OF JET BOOTS AND RAD HAIR AND OUTDATED LOOKING LASER PISTOLS, I TELL YOU! However, aligning oneself with said quantities and actually recasting Planet Earth in your ((real or imagined)) image are two different things, and, although i bear the band no particular malice, it is my considered opinion that the War On Yuck™ is a photon torpedo battle, and the Space Cretins have showed up armed with a taser. I mean, the music is played competently and recorded well, but the album sounds, at best, like Paul Stanley or someone singing over some of the less-exciting songs off the first side of “Road to Ruin.” Or maybe it sounds kinda like some band on Epitaph ((is Epitaph even around any more?)) who stumbled across a Sigue Sigue Sputnik album, or if the Zeroes with the purple hair and the Action Swingers got Vulcan mind-melded ((which might be cool)) but then got left out at room temperature for too long until most of the interesting bits melted away. The band’s one real stab at glam ((a la the Lee Harvey Oswald Band, essentially the touchstone of the last thirty years of the genre)), “Straight to the Edge,” kinda fizzles simply because Paul Ace Diamond Blow’s pipes simply aren’t interesting enough to carry the load a la Bowie/Butler/Fenderblast ((though he tries admirably)). In any event, there is a game design postulate espoused by Sid Meier ((the guy who did the game Civilization)) that states that if any element of the game design isn’t working, you should either double it or cut it by half – that is to say, either CRANK IT or bury it. “Direct from the Superfreak Highway” is a nice try, but these guys had best commence ta crankin’ and buryin’ if they want to give this reality the Technicolor™ throttling it so richly deserves. BEST SONG: “Rocket Roll” BEST SONG TITLE: “Rockets On” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The album packaging uses the font Dirty Headline, which i once used in a video game.

 –norb (Killing Pig)