SOFY MAJOR: Self-titled: 12” EP

…i’ve always viewed Metal as something akin to jenkem, minus the purported high. N.A. Jenkem, if you will. However, on certain rare occasions, the Gods Of Metal part the black clouds of the Inverted Hades Atmospheric System, and i—very briefly—get a whiff of something i would imagine is roughly akin to a jenkem buzz. I mean, it still smells like shit, but at least you’re feeling something, somewhere, you think. In any event, as this grooves-on-the-one-side-silkscreening-on-the-other platter began its initial revolutions, i thought perhaps such a time was upon me, as the intro guitars were grinding together in a mildly arresting manner, and i thought perhaps i heard the alluring whine of a distant drag race in the background. Unfortunately, it turned out to be just a bunch of weird moaning, with the singer, who probably has a half-decent voice under normal circumstances, straining his voice idiotically in some attempt to manufacture a functional screech. Bah. Death to false jenkem! BEST SONG: “Meutre a Lezoux” BEST SONG TITLE: The whippersnapper in me wants to say “Satan,” but my left brain tells me i must admit it’s “Need a Spank?” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Gatefold notes indicate that “THIS IS DIYED SOUND. BURN IT.” Don’t mind if i do.

 –norb (Emergence)