Razorcake Staff’s Top 5s for Issue #33: This Is the Unabridged Version from That Issue

Amy Adoyzie

Junk I’ll Miss While in Chinky Chinky Chong Land

• Buddies, Pals and BFFs. Girl talk, dumb talk and punching each other. Laughing so hard our guts want to explode. I love ya’ll f’realz.

• Biking in Portland. To the Belmont library. To house shows or a corner booth at a bar. To cheap movies at the second-run theater.

• Beer. PBR and Sparks. With friends and strangers. With coozies and vomit. With dancing and passing out.

• Baking. Holy Shit! cookies, Can’t-We-All-Just-Get-Along muffins, and Solidarity Squares.

• Butts. All of ‘em.

 

Aphid Peewit

• 4130, The Webster Sessions CD

• Out With A Bang, I’m Against It 12”

• Murder Junkies finally coming to Minneapolis

• Jake Byrd segments on the Jimmy Kimmel Show

• “MySpace” shirts for sale at Hot Topic

 

Ben Snakepit

1. Marked Men, Fix My Brain LP

2. Flamingo 50, Tear It Up CD

3. Bayonettes, 7”

4. Army Of Jesus, Book Bomb 7”

5. Drinkers Purgatory, CD

 

Buttertooth

1. Bauhaus, In the Flat Field 12”

2. Neurosis, Souls At Zero CD

3. Archers of Loaf, Icky Mettle CD

4. Dillinger 4, Vs. God

5. Brainiac, Bonsai Superstar CD

 

Chris Devlin

Top 5 T-shirts I Wore in the Last Two Months. (This was easy since I only wear 5 T-shirts. Thanks to Todd and Megan for pointing that out.)

1. Flipside, “Too stupid to quit, too high to care.”

2. The Hot Snakes, “Audit in Progress.”

3. Grabass Charlestons, “Summer 2005.”

4. Dirtnap Records

5. Flipside, “Too stupid to quit, too high to care.” (This one has a picture of Wattie on it.)

 

Daryl

• Abi Yoyos, Mill Valley

• Stovokor, live

• Coast to Coast w/George Norry

• Sparks Plus

• Bent Outta Shape, “Backwash”

 

Denise Orton

1. New Mexican Disaster Squad, Don’t Believe CD

2. The Ergs!, Jersey’s Best Prancers CD

3. J. Page, Goodbye Chapel Hill CD

4. Pink Razors, Scene Suicide EP

5. Sir Prize Fighter, Beat It to Live CD

 

Designated Dale

Top 5 Krusty Merch Kreations According to KISS

1. The KISS coffeehouse. As if it isn’t bad enough seeing Starfuck’s descend like locusts upon the earth, KISS thought it would be grand to open a themed coffeehouse down in Myrtle Beach, So. Carolina (Yes, South Carolina). Quote Gene Simmons: “Every army needs food and drink and the KISS Army is no exception! Even the non-enlisted will find our treats and java rockin’ good!” I’ll march right into that shop the minute I hear Gene’s wearing an apron and sweating it out. And let it be known that the phrase “rockin’ good” causes allergies to Art Fuentes and myself—we break out in severe punches. You’ve been warned.

2. The Ace ‘N’ the Box. (According to their web$ite): “The jack-in-the-box reinvented for a new world! Hit the button and overload your senses as the box pops open with an insanely detailed sculpture and slammin tunes! Ace Frehley plays “Shout It Out Loud” as he jumps out of his box.” I’m not in the two to three year age bracket, so I’m pretty sure my senses will not overload. How is something “insanely” detailed? Hand-painted by a serial killer? And fuck you, Gene, for making something as lame as this with Ace on it.

3. KISS cycling shirts. I know what you’re thinking: “Holy shit, those smanly-looking spandex/lycra shirts that some bicycle enthusiasts wear?” Yes, and now they’re made sporting KISS album covers. All the more reason for some people out there to fuck with cyclists that much more.

4. KISS Army leather vest. Oh my lord…you’ve got to get a load of this: “This awesome leather vest with the KISS Army logo emblazoned on the back will unquestionably show off your allegiance. Made from distressed leather and fully lined; every snap, zipper and rawhide trim adds to its unique, ‘worn for years’ look.” I forgot to mention that it’s going to cost you almost 400 American to show your gullibility, I mean, allegiance. Maybe Gene will give you an extra punch on your “buy 25, get one half-off card” if you’re seen wearing this at the coffeeshop, you ass.

5. I lied. There’s only four items on their list of regret. I wanted to use the 5th spot to wag the finger of shame at Gene for taxiderming the carcass formally known as KISS and taking it on tour. No Ace and no Peter equals something else besides KISS. How about renaming it “DOS” (with a lightening bolt “S”) as in dos original members of the band plodding on? Kind of like David Johansen & Sylvain Sylvain pushing on with The Two York Dolls. And for anyone muttering that I’m being too harsh, up your ass. I’ve been a fan of the ‘73-‘78 era of KISS since I was six years old and continue to fully back only the first six studio LPs and first two live rekkids. Everything else went down the crapper.

 

Donofthedead

• Tragedy, Nerve Damage LP

• Victims, Divide and Conquer CD

• AFI, Decemberunderground CD

• Destruction’s End, Prepare to Die! LP

• Adolescents, The Complete Demos 1980-1986 LP

 

Jennifer Whiteford

1. Bellrays at Beachland Bar in Cleveland

2. Pretty Girls Make Graves, Elan Vital

3. Pony Up!, Make Love to the Judges With Your Eyes

4. Patti Smith, Easter

5. Camp Radio, Self-titled

 

Jenny Moncayo

Top 5 Songs

1. Toys That Kill, “Bomb Sniffin’ Dogs”

2. Riverboat Gamblers, “Don’t Bury Me…I’m Still Not Dead”

3. Dirtbombs, “All My Friends”

4. Carrie Nations, “Girlfriend”

5. The 101ers, “Keys to Your Heart”

 

Jim Ruland

1. Pedro punks drinking all the booze at the Toys That Kill record release party.

2. Dave Guthrie pogoing to the new Riverboat Gamblers record at his own wedding.

3. The new Riverboat Gamblers record.

4. The psychobillly dude from Rigor Mortis who gave my truck’s dead battery a jump at Union Station.

5. Rumors of a Blood Bath and Beyond tour on MySpace.

 

Jimmy Alvarado

• Bloodhag, “Hell Bent for Letters”: Righteous racket in reverence to the written word.

• Killing Joke, “Hosanna’s from the Basements of Hell”: A well placed steel-toe to the eardrum.

• Final Conflict, “Ashes to Ashes”: Where Fenders Ballroom nostalgia meets lyrics that remain frustratingly topical two decades later.

• The Coup, “Pick a Bigger Weapon”: Heavy funk grooves laced with lyrical landmines.

• 6/6/06: Like getting a second Halloween this year, but without annoying midgets extorting candy.

 

Joe Evans

• The Ergs!, Jersey’s Best Prancers CDEP

• Lemuria/Kind Of Like Spitting, You’re Living Room’s All Over Me

• Modern Machines, Take It, Somebody!

• None More Black, This Is Satire

• Armalite, Self-titled

 

Julia Smut

1. The 1967 Riley Elf MkII

2. The New Beach Alliance

3. The Shadows

4. The Chiefs

5. The South Bay Surfers

 

Kiyoshi

1. The Swallows have come home to make bird babies. So faithful.

2. My boy got choked out. Marcus Aurelio beat Takanori Gomi.

3. The Bronx residency at Spaceland. (free!!)

4. Ninja Academy residency at Silverlake Lounge. (Freeee!!!)

5. Linda Linda Linda. Sweet Japanese movie about girl group.

 

Lord Kveldulfr

My Five Favorite Records That Rich Winker Taped For Me Back In High School

1. The Wards, Self-titled 7”

2. Government Issue, You LP

3. Angry Samoans, Back from Samoa LP

4. Various songs by the Bloodbats

5. Toy Dolls, Idle Gossip LP

 

Maddy

1. Daniel Johnston, Early Recordings, Vol. One CD

2. Marked Men, Fix my Brain CD

3. Derrick Jensen, A Language Older than Words book

4. Burritos!

5. The Icarus Project Minneapolis! Crazy punks unite!

 

Megan Pants

• Marked Men, Fix My Brain

• Fuckboyz, Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

• Toys That Kill, Shanked

• Mind Controls, Self-titled

• Modern Machines, Take It, Somebody!

 

Mike Frame

• Young People With Faces, Self-Titled CD

• The Coup, Pick A Bigger Weapon CD

• Drive By Truckers, Blessing and A Curse CD

• Neckers, Love And Infection CD

• Public Enemy, Rebirth Of A Nation CD

 

Miss Jenny AngeLILLO

1. The Flash Express and Andre Williams @ Spaceland (5/6). Flash Express is one of the only bands in Los Angeles—or anywhere—who know the meaning of showmanship. I mean, who would’ve thought…great music, talented musicians, smooth moves, ACTUAL ENTERTAINMENT? Yes, sometimes it happens. Oh, Andre tongue kissed the girl standing next to me. Luckily, I just got a peck on the cheek.

2. Smiths Night at Part Time Punks (5/21). Heterosexual guys with ironic haircuts trying to pick up girls by dancing like Morrissey. Better than any gay bar I have ever been to in my life.

3. “We’re Gonna be Timeless,” Mondays 8-10pm (Pacific Standard Time) on www.littleradio.com. Sharif wears fantastic sparkly scarves and dresses like a male Stevie Nicks. And he is one of the most talented motherfuckers I know. Listen to his show.

4. Midlife Crisis at 30 by Lia Macko and Kerry Rubin. So I am only 27, but I still found this book really helpful. It’s actually just more reinforcement for the fact that as women right now, our mother’s generation fucked us up…but in a really surprising way which is the opposite of what you think is the norm. An interesting sociological look at the downside of being a successful women in the world today.

5. Me moving to San Francisco—Thank you Los Angeles. It’s been real. It’s been fun. But it hasn’t been both…

 

Miss Namella

Top 5 Shows To Come

5. Don’t Knock The Rock Film/Music Festival, June 29-July 3rd at the Redcat at the Disney Concert Hall in downtown L.A. This film/music festival brought to you by Allison Anders of Mi Vida Loca and Gas, Food Lodging fame. Features Ghost On The Highway: A Portrait Of Jeffrey Lee Pierce And The Gun Club, You’re Gonna Miss Me: The Roky Erikson Story, special preview screening: The Monks: Transatlantic Feedback, The Treasures Of Long Gone John, We Jam Econo (The Story Of The Minutemen). As if that wasn’t record geek ejaculation worthy enough, a rare performance of original Gun Club members Terry Graham, Ward Dotson and Kid Congo Powers and special guests, Redd Kross-the 1987 Neurotica line up, The Fucking Champs, Anders & Woods and a few more kick ass noisemakers I’m sure.

4. August 3rd, of course the next GirlSSkool with the Clorox Girls (back in L.A. after two years!), The Atoms, and more at Little Pedro’s (which I officially deem the lady’s room at LP to be the new celebrity photo booth—Jane Weidlin and Meg White in the same fucken’ week)…get ready to rock your titties.

3. Savage Republic, The Chairs Of Perception (Urinals), Amps For Christ at Safari Sam’s, June 3rd. You’ll probably see a review of this show by the time you read this but, man what a line up!

2. July 9th, Quintron and Miss Pussycat at The Echo/Part Time Punks. Man, Benny and Mike have been putting on some right on shows lately. Part Time is the post-punk place to be. Alan McGhee spins here. Indian Jewelry broke out here. Now they honor us with Quintron—he whose Hammond B2000 can sing the depths of our hopes and sorrow.

1. Joan Jett secret show. Enough said.

 

Mitch Clem

Five Records I Listened to While Illustrating This Issue’s Nardwuar Column

1. Randy, Randy the Band

2. The Queers, Love Songs For the Retarded

3. Avail, Dixie (reissue)

4. Nob Dylan and the Nobsoletes, Positively 12 Stiff Dylans

5. Knockout Pills, Self-titled

 

MP Johnson

• Olga Tanon, the queen of merengue music

Rollergirls (in competition with Breaking Bonaduce, Dog: Bounty Hunter and I’m with Busey for best reality TV series ever.)

• Osaka Popstar and the American Legends of Punk, Self-titled

• Ignite, Our Darkest Days

Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns, breathtaking and inarguably John Carpenter’s best work since In the Mouth of Madness

 

Mr. Z

Top 5 Most Loveable Punks I’ve Ever Actually Met

1. Peelander-Z

2. Fly

3. Fleshies

4. Killer Dreamer

5. Dick and Jasper of Citizen Fish

 

Nardwuar the Human Serviette

1. Pointed Sticks, Waiting for the Real Thing CD

2. Various Artists, Funhouse Comp Thing CD

3. THOR, Devastation of Musculation CD

4. The Nips, Tits of Soho CD

5. Vancougar, Losin’ It CD

 

Newtim

1. Marked Men, Fix My Brain

2. Modern Machines, Take it, Somebody!

3. Toys That Kill, Shanked!

4. Sexy, Boma Ye!

5. The Ergs, Art of the Underground Singles Series #8

 

Norb

1. Marked Men, Fix My Brain LP

2. Little Killers, A Real Good One CD

3. Brimstone Howl, M-60 EP

4. The Tough and Lovely, Born of the Stars LP

5. Buzzcocks, Flat-Pack Philosophy LP

 

Rhythm Chicken

1. CF-98, “Enjoy”

2. Call Me Lighting, “The Trouble We’re in…”

3. Being back in America, land of REAL truck stops!

4. Being back in Wisconsin, land of REAL cheese and beer!

5. As dorky as this sounds…WI-FI.

 

Ryan Leach

1. Miss Alex White and the Red Orchestra

2. Black Time

3. The Fall at the Knitting Factory

4. Backside smith grinds (skateboard trick)

5. Lester Bangs

 

Speedway Randy

Top 5 DVDs on Repeat

1. The Passenger

2. Ratcatcher

3. The Gories on You Tube

4. G.I. Joe redux

5. Devo videos

 

Todd

• Marked Men, Fix My Brain LP and live. Twice.

• Measure {SA}, Historical Fiction LP

• Toys That Kill, Shanked LP and live. Twice.

• Tranzmitors, Some Girls b/w Dancing in the Front Row 7”

• Tiltwheel, live