PULSES, THE: Self-titled: CD

…this is one of those impudent records that dares the listener to listen to it until either 1. it is comprehended fully or 2. you’re sick to death of it – both fates have yet to transpire on my end, so i imagine their fiendish will is being done even as we speak. My original synopsis of “i guess this is what the Pixies might’ve sounded like if they hadn’t sucked” having been long since discarded on the grounds of it being too fantastic a flight of fancy to be contemplated, i can only say in my client’s defense that many of these tracks would sound not at all out of place on any given 1978 UK punk comp, probably right between Magazine and Subway Sect, and that most every unforeseen turn into, like, Guided-By-Voices-ism is countered with a similarly unforeseen turn into, like, Scared-Of-Chaka-ism, ergo the Cosmic Equilibrium is more or less maintained – e.g., “Leisureworld,” where you’d SWEAR some wise-apple drew a vertical line down the center of the singer, declared one half of the body Brainiac and the other half the Sniveling Shits, then the two halves punched each other daffy throughout the entire number. Also notice how “Pacemaker” sounds exactly like a Manplanet song without ever actually sounding like Manplanet, and how the chorus to “Sister Automatic” sounds like it was written by Rick Sims, even though it’s actually nothing at all like any band he’s ever been in. Curiously inscrutable I SAY SHE’S A WITCH!!! BURN HER!!! BEST SONG: “Clone Song” but maybe “Sister Automatic” BEST SONG TITLE: “Go Go Machine” but maybe “Sister Automatic” (i agree – too Urge Overkill) FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: “Sister Automatic” has the best typewriter solo since “Defamation Innuendo” by the Circle Jerks!

 –norb (Dirtnap)