PITY FUCKS, THE: Self-titled: 7” EP

Mangled drunken garage party boogie with commendably loutish keyboards that would not sound out of place on the “Busted at Oz” album ((then again i probably haven’t listened to that album in twenty-five years so don’t take my word for this)), or maybe one of those not-quite-punk fringe bar bands of the early ‘80s that had a keyboard but were kinda funny and obnoxious so you didn’t mind watching the drunken college guys try to quasi-ironically punk out to the best of their limited abilities by hopping around hanging themselves with their skinny ties on the dance floor or what-not. Or possibly what the Urinals would have sounded like had they had to play biker bars in Pennsylvania. Actually, no, not so much like that, now that i think about it. Yet, out of this drool, sputum and mayhem shoots golden beams of drunken profundity: “The last time I saw you you was lovin’ me good / But then you broke my heart like I knew you would!” That’s actually a pretty fuckin’ right-on line. Plus i like how the keyboard player appears to be playing one-handed, and seems to have obtained the full measure of his chops from that one song you learn when you’re like eight years old where you mostly just roll your fist over the three black keys. BRING THESE VASSALS TO ME! The czar wishes to cut a f’n rug! BEST SONG: “Why Right Now?” BEST SONG TITLE: “Why Right Now?” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The record label states that this 45 RPM record is “unbreakable,” yet i could not find it in my heart to test this claim by giving the record a good sharp whack against a pinball machine, so the veracity of this assertion remains completely bound to the realm of speculation at this point.

 –norb (Felony Fidelity)