PHOBIA/SKRUPEL: Split: CD

Man, where do I start on this one? Okay, remember the first Terminator movie? At the very beginning—where there’s this insanely desolate, ruined, metal-scarred wasteland, with various robots patrolling the ground while weird flying machines skim across the sky? Okay. This is the record those robots would be jamming on to get pumped up before going out to seriously shrapnel some human ass. There are fifteen tracks, and I’m pretty convinced the whole album could’ve easily fit on a 7”, if that gives you a little peek into the inner workings of this record. Skrupel’s from Germany and they just get in, sever a limb or two, and jet. The song “Human Freakout” consists of the lyrical jewels, “Feeling so fashionably freaky / Is that all that matters in your worthless life / You deserve to suffer.” That’s the song right there. Phobia’s best? I’m torn between “Death To Pigs”: “Death to pigs with severed heads.” (But guys, aren’t they already dead? If their heads are severed, I mean? Or did you mean to put a comma between ‘pigs’ and ‘with’? Or do you even know?) or “Macho Man In Denile”: “Your a fucking homophobe / And that I despite / You really want to take it up the ass / And that’s alright.” Atrocious spelling/grammatical errors aside, I find it stunning that Skrupel’s English-is-probably-a-second-language lyrics are on par, if not more articulate, than Phobia’s, who are from California. Still, Phobia fares slightly better because they’ve got the “Ruuuh-ruuh-RUUUUUH!” deep-voiced dude, but they’ve also got a high-pitched guy who sings like a Fraggle getting a sans-anesthesia colonoscopy, which is always nice to hear. The whole album’s pretty much one big blast beat with a few slower parts tossed in. Yet another shining example of bands who have the balls to put emaciated corpses and nuclear explosions on their record and then don’t do jack shit, lyrically or otherwise, to back it up. But at least they’ve got tattoos, right?

 –keith (Crimes Against Humanity)