MÄRVEL: Thunderblood Heart: CD

Mar 17, 2008

…hmm, SURELY no potential lawsuits looming on the horizon with THAT moniker! Anyway, MÄRVEL are a Swedish super-hero trio who rock utilizing the standard Swedish Rock Algorithms set down by the Nomads and still in use today to hoodwink dopey Americans: 1) Overproduce a stripped-down sound ((the American mind cannot cope with this tactic, it’s, like, too hard for us to understand or something)); 2) Keep guitars turned up ((particularly baffling concept to Englishmen)); and 3) Always present the rock as ROCK, never as anything that might be construed as even vaguely sub-Rock. Basically, what this means is that the band sounds like Daniel Rey-era Ramones playing KISS songs, but all thwacked up in your face as if you were listening to the Hives or Nomads or something ((by the way, that new Hives album everybody likes sucks. I bought it because the cover was cool. Sue me.)). Now, while a loud, stripped-down sound is usually a good thing, as far as ROCK qua ROCK goes, i like my ROCK to have, like, a bunch of shit goin’ on in it. I mean, it’s ROCK! I want my Joe Perry to be douchebaggin’ off in one direction, and my Brad Whitford to be douchebaggin’ off in another direction, and my whomever-the-hell-Aerosmith’s-bass-player-was to be douchebaggin’ off in a third direction. I don’t want them goosestepping in unison like a bunch of Nazi collaborators ((COLLABORATORS! COLLABORATORS!))! I want my ROCK to have DEPTH. Alternately, i want my PUNK to have NO depth. The no-depth of PUNK crossed with the rock-ness of ROCK might make for a favorable first impression on humans, but i’m pretty sure the only Swedish band God listens to is the Nomads, and that’s only on comps. That said, i can’t help but wonder who’d be President right now if hairier numbers like “Girl, Where’s My Amulet?!” would have been released like forty years ago. Probably Baron Mordo, goddammit. BEST SONG: “Thunderblood Heart” BEST SONG TITLE: “Girl, Where’s My Amulet?!” FANASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: I was told by Germans that the way the umlaut works is that you make your mouth into the shape of an “e” sound, then you say the vowel sound ((which won’t be “e”)) with your mouth still in the “e” shape. Regardless of whether or not this is actually correct, it should provide the applicant with hours of fun.

 –norb (Killer Cobra)