MIKEY ERG: Fucifier: Flexi EP

Although the flexi-disc may have a few remaining valid applications in polite society ((i’m kinda partial to the ones on postcards myself)), i’m not sure what the hell they can do that a CD-R or similar pointless but inexpensive/functional format couldn’t, so maybe the only nice thing i can say about flexis is that they’re not cassettes. This Satanically-themed translucent red polyvinyl Fruit Roll-Up® kept sliding around on my turntable and refusing to play, so i put all the money i had on top of it to weight it down ((which was about forty-eight cents)), which raised its performance level to the point where it played in lurching fits and spurts, with a velocity that churned back and forth from around 16 rpm on the low end to 33 at its moments of highest lucidity. The resulting warped power-moan was reasonably unlistenable, but did sound enough like that “actual recording of the sounds of Hell” that that one guy with the weird late-night radio talk show used to play all the time, so if that’s the effect for which Mikey was going here, mission accomplished. I’m more inclined to give this one a full session in the Kraftwerk Chamber myself. Maybe i need to make more money so i can weigh the record down better? BEST SONG: One that is not on this flexi. BEST SONG TITLE: “Chicago Pussy is Second City.” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: The first MONKEES records i owned were flexis that came on the backs of Post® Rice Krinkles™ cereals.

 –norb (Bloated Kat)