MIDNIGHT CREEPS: Doomed From the Get Go: CD

Don’t get me wrong: I am as big a fan of the Un-Deep in music as the next be-antler-helmeted geek. However, let the record show that Un-Depth does, in fact, come equipped with a handful of core tenets and axioms; foremost among them is the High Truth that bands which are Un-Deep should also make songs that are Un-Long. A good two minute song can’t necessarily be made into a good three minute song, a good one minute song likely can’t be made into a good two-minute song, and a good one minute song sure the hell can’t be made into a good three-minute song. Average length for these eleven tracks is approximately 2:54 – that is to say, five seconds longer than the longest track on any of the first three Ramones albums, and about a buck-two-eighty too long for songs like “I’m a Cunt,” “Menstrual Institution” and “Toiletbowl Suicide.” That said, i would like to point out that it has been only through sheerest force of will and noblesse oblige that this review consists of something other than the phrase “I WANNA MAKE BABIES WITH THE SINGER!” endlessly repeated, even though she sings kinda like Theo from the Lunachicks’ tomboy little sister in heat (that is to say, vocally walking a not-always pleasurable tightrope between appropriate vileness and inappropriate technical pretension) and, not surprisingly, uses “your” instead of “you’re.” I dunno, i always kind of made it a point to hang around girls who sing lyrics like “I’m so fucking horny That I can’t walk straight,” although i suppose that’s mitigated somewhat by “Come here lick me eat shit” and “I’m gonna bash that bitch’s face in Mix her brains with my puke.” Sounds kind of like what i imagine those Toilet Boys records i got as promos that i never got around to listen to might sound like, but, obviously, that’s highly speculative at this point. BEST SONG: “Doomed from the Get Go” BEST SONG TITLE: “I’m a Cunt” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Bass player plays a Rickenbacker™, which seems highly incongruous.

 –norb (Rodent Popsicle)