MEATMEN, THE: Savage Sagas from the Meatmen: CD

The bad news is that I am not worthy to review this disc. The good news is that you’re not worthy to listen to it either, so I guess it’s a horse a piece. As is likely a matter of public record, I have been a fart-huffing devotee of this band’s sonic smut since the halcyon days of 1981, when Barry Henssler of the Necros dubbed me a copy of their first basement demo, sending my mind down into a blackened abyss of Beatle-snuffings and masturbation monologues whence it never returned. And, whilst their classic ‘80s sludge is always the penile-measuring yardstick by which all other MeatPlatters will be judged—particularly their primal Blud Sausage EP and their two higher-budget cock rock LPs later in the decade, War of the Superbikes and Rock ‘n’ Roll Juggernaut—this new zinger is clearly another choice entrant to the inner circles of Tesco’s Vee’s Parthenon of Filth. The lead-off track, “Men O’ Meat,” is a worthy 21stCentury successor to “Meatmen Stomp,” and “The Dwarves are the 2ndGreatest Band in the World,” underscores the fact that Tesco seems to have taken rap lessons from Vadge Moore in “Pissed Hot for Weed,” ((“The Ballad of Stinky Penis,” however, clearly indicates Tesco’s been co-writing with Lorne Greene, and “12 Soft,” might as well be an Alberto Y Los Trios Paranoias song, if they even sang about penises, which maybe they didn’t)). Epileptic classmates, talking John Brannon dolls, and the return of Shecky Spilkers—arts and culture is here for you, folks. Now get out of my way before I feel the urge to use “weenbag” in a sentence. BEST SONG: “The Ballad of Stinky Penis.” BEST SONG TITLE: “The Dwarves are the 2nd Greatest Band in the World.” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Album looks a lot like Weird Tales of the Ramones, which itself looks a lot like some other stuff. 

 –norb (Self Destructo)