LOCOMOTIONS, THE: Self-titled: LP

This album failed to sufficiently nuke me up until the point where the tremolo-bonkers instrumental “Sigma Attack” made its appearance (that would be last track, side one, if you’re scoring at home); i had hitherto half-dismissed the contents of the album as not-overly-compelling garageyness, distinguished chiefly by the vicious, clean little guitar that kept snapping away at me through a side full of tracks that sounded like marginally more berserk cuts off those “PowerPearls” ‘70s/’80s UK home-made power pop comp LPs. However, with the onset of the flamboyant tremolo of “Sigma Attack” (one assumes that, in Germany, the title bears none of the “getting jumped by fratboys” connotations it wields in the states) (in point of fact, the name comes from the dude’s guitar), my interest and the band’s apparent ability to satisfy same increased by an order of magnitude; the only dud on the entire second side is their Dogmatics’ cover (“Saturday Night Again,” which realistically should’ve been relegated to non-LP-B-side status). Prior to “Sigma Attack,” everything seemed like a lesser version of something i’d heard done better elsewhere; after “Sigma,” the band sounded like what i’d imagine the children of DMZ would sound like if they were bitten by rabid German Shepherds (dogs or humans, mox nix) and locked in the same basement that DMZ practice in by parents so terrified of the bestial transformations their offspring were undergoing that, in lieu of seeking medical attention, they merely instructed the imprisoned youths to practice “Mighty Idy” for hours on end, figuring that they’ll harmlessly drop dead of exhaustion eventually – but, after ten minutes of slavering and violence, the kids decide to write “I’m on Fire” instead (which they very well might have been at the time), and their parents run out of the house, never to return, screaming like the guy on the Kill the Poor sleeve. The only real conclusion i can draw from this is that tremolo pedals can solve world hunger. Oh, and “She’s Got Her” sounds a little like “Here Comes the Nice” by the Small Faces. BEST SONG: i’ll say “Sigma Attack,” although i don’t really think that’s the right answer. BEST SONG TITLE: “Make Up Your Mind”, “I’m on Fire” and “Come and Get It” are all pretty good… too bad they’re already taken (what the fuck is it with these European bands recycling song titles? I mean, they don’t even recycle REAL stuff over there). I guess i’ll go with “Sigma Attack” again. FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: As is only right and just, the bonus track is, in fact, “The Loco-Motion.” Oops, you peeked!

 –norb (Alien Snatch)