LADYKILLERS: Welcome to Rock’n’Roll Kid: CD

Jul 06, 2007

Where do these bands come up with these god damn stupid band names, anyway? What, was “Heartbreakers” taken or something? Oh... uh... never mind. I guess it was. Twice. But, then again, so what? Who’s counting? Surely we could dock no points for lack of originality from a band who boldly bestowed their CD cover with a ground-breaking color scheme of red and black (genius!)—a band who paints their name in white on the backs of black leather jackets (brilliant!)—a band that endorses sideburns (shocking!)—and even cigarettes (author!)! No sir, the Ladykillers blaze trails, and the rest of you crippled munchkins have no choice but to follow! But, further, exactly what happens to the short “a” and long “e” sounds when bands like these habitually substitute other, presumably more rockin’ vowel sounds for them, like the long “a”? I mean, when they sing about “drankan’“ and “heart atake muhshaynes,” what happens to the “ih” and the “ee” and the “ah” things? Are they recycled? Broken down for parts? Sold on eBay™? Distributed to needy families in their community? Rock’n’roll is a very perplexing cosmos indeed! However, if we can get past the Lady Killing and the Heart Breaking and the Drankan’ and all like that, this band trots the middle ground between the rock’n’rolly pop-punk of the Teen Idols (what! no! imagine!), and the not-so-poppy punky rock’n’roll of the Heartdrops, breaking a few ladies and killing a few hearts along the way, especially with their uptempo raveups like “Krystin” and “Two Faced Man.” Things also descend into dopey neo-Dropkick sing-a-longs like “Drinking (excuse me, i meant “Drankan’”) with the Boys,” which is the exact kind of song written by and for people attempting to persuade themselves into believing they’re not as stone bored with drankan’ with each other as they undoubtedly are, and also the type of song i’ve been known to feed jukeboxes dollar upon dollar, selecting the longest possible songs available to me, to block the playing of. Taken as a whole, though, not a bad effort: Anyone to whom sideburns, cigarettes and black leather jackets act as a genital stimulant will not be disappointed in this purchase; those who might be a bit more wary as to the band’s potential for cliché transcendment are advised to seek succor elsewhere. BEST SONG: “Krystin” BEST SONG TITLE: “She Pours It Well” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: I thought of the Heartbreakers quip before i realized they actually covered “Won’t Back Down” here.

 –norb (No. 3)