JINXES, THE: Mosquitos: 7”

This violent aural pasting of one of nature’s most maligned and misunderstood creatures given here is so beyond reproach, so odious—nay, nefarious!—that one’s ears wither at its calls for the listener to join in the hate-fest. To add insult to injury, they’ve insidiously built this abomination on the two most evil chords in music’s history so that every time the record needle winds its way through the “song’s” minute-seventeen length, a direct passage is opened to sub-sub-basements of hell that allows for Asmodeus himself to venture forth, charge outrageous sums for lawn piping and Q-Tips on the unwitting listener’s Walmart account, dance the Pookie on the grave of Soupy Sales, slip GMO-laden mushrooms into the sandwiches of every vegan on the planet, and update his Facebook status before again being forced back home. And then there’s the matter of the B side, which, frankly, is gonna cost me a truckload of money and years in therapy to recover. There seriously needs to be some sort of amendment to the Constitution that prevents openly malicious releases like these from proliferating through polite society. 

 –jimmy (Manglor)