Issue #38 Top 5s: Are you a virgin? (She meant to say vegetarian)

Jul 23, 2007

Amy Adoyzie
Engrish Questions from Students
• Are you a virgin? (She meant to say vegetarian. But to answer the question on both fronts, no and no.)
• Your teeth are very white. Which ________ do you use? (They didn’t know the word for toothpaste. That might be the root of their problem.)
• Do you have boy friend? If not, you can think about me! (You couldn’t pay me to Mary Kay Letourneau this shit.)
• When you in the U.S., what’s different between you and the really U.S. people? (A couple months back, I was being snide and told a dude that I was not really Chinese. As it turns out, I’m also not “really U.S. people.”)
• Why do you like punk music? Is punk music fun?

Aphid Peewit
• Negative Trend, Self-titled CD EP
• Kurt Vonnegut, Essential Vonnegut Interviews CD
American Hardcore (DVD)
• Career Suicide, Attempted Suicide CD
• Bad Brains, Live CBGB 1982 (DVD)

Ben Snakepit
1. Land Action!! (Max gave me two CDs, they both rule.)
2. Steaming Wolf Penis, Live
3. Killer Dreamer 12”
4. Conniption Fitts, Bullfights on Acid CD
5. Anti-Justice/Chinese Telephones, Split 7”

1. The Weather Underground (DVD)—A film about a 1970s group that bombed U.S. interests in protest of Vietnam War. The closest we ever came to a real revolution! (Besides the American Revolution.)
2. Bauhaus, Bela Lugosi 12”
3. Swing Ding Amigos, Mongolita Chronicles CD. These guys rule!
4. Hostile Combover, Escape from Mount Island CD. A San Diego band that rips!
5. Drag The River acoustic at Gene and Madeleine’s Anniversary party! I got so drunk I fell off a chair!

Chris Pepus
Top Five Kung Fu Films
1. Master of the Flying Guillotine
2. 36th Chamber of Shaolin
3. Chinese Boxer
4. Enter the Dragon
5. Avenging Warriors of Shaolin

Chris Prorock
• Howard Zinn, Artists in a Time of War CD
• Robert Pollard, Choreographed Man of War LP
• Busy Signals, Live at the Radio Heartbeat Power Pop Festival
• The Equals (mostly any 45 they cut)
• Geno Washington, Hand Clappin’ Foot Stompin’ Funky Butt… Live! LP

Daryl Gussin
• Hunchback/The Trashies, Together At Last, Split 7”
• Harpoon Guns, 7”
• Career Suicide, Attempted Suicide LP
• The Measure [SA], Union Pool 7”
• Killer Dreamer’s new album

Dave Disorder
Top Five Things From the Movie, Idiocracy, That Will Eventually Become Reality
1. Ow! My Balls! will be the #1 show in America.
2. Americans will eat butter straight from a tub with a hose attached.
3. Fox News and the Masturbation Channel will merge as one network.
4. The President will be a three-time Smackdown! champion and former super pornstar.
5. Fuddruckers will eventually change the name of the restaurant to Buttfuckers. (Honorable mentions go to: a sports drink will be universally substituted for water. Carl’s Jr. will adopt as its motto, “Fuck you, I’m eating.” The phone company will have merged with several media companies, the U.S. government and, of course, Carl’s Jr. Costco will house one of the nation’s top law schools. “Hot Latte” from Starbucks will take on a totally different meaning. You’ll see.)

Designated Dale
Top Five Ramones Songs Used As A Soundtrack When Art “Air” Fuentes Leads a Wide Path of Destruction Through Your Home
1. “Durango 95”
2. “Wart Hog”
3. “Endless Vacation”
4. “Animal Boy”
5. “Ignorance Is Bliss”

Jason Donnerparty
1. Pure Country Gold (Live)
2. Sonic Reducer (Live punk rock radio show, 9 PM Saturdays on
3. Seeing the DTs at Fantagraphics Comics (Live)
4. Quitting my job.
5. Black Time (Live)

Jenny Moncayo
1. My grandma driving her car into a swarm of bike cops, hitting a cop who jumped off his bike to save his life, and my grandma explaining that it was his fault because he was taking too long to cross the street.
2. Marked Men, “Still Waiting”
3. Dirty Pretty Things, “Gin & Milk”
4. Dirty Pretty Things, “Bang Bang You’re Dead”
5. Seeing Jello Biafra speak at a lecture at CSUN.

Jim Ruland
1. The Pegs at the Viper Room in Hollywood
2. The Muslims at the Ken Club in SD
3. Dark Time at the Tower Bar in SD
4. The Stitches at Winston’s in OB
5. The Road (novel) by Cormac McCarthy

Jimmy Alvarado
The Faboo Five
• Circle One. ‘Nuff said. (Thanks for bein’ patient, Mike.)
• Brutal Knights, Feast of Shame CD: Gloriously loud, fast’n’fucked up.
• MOTO, “Dance Dance Dance Dance Dance to the Radio” (song): Two minutes, three lines, two notes, too fucking catchy.
• Chillin’ with the Our Band Sucks boys at a recent rehearsal. Even Martin the trash can player made an appearance. Yes, they’re all still fugly bastards.
• If I don’t find a way to fuck it up, I’ll be a college grad by the time you read this. Huzzah! First order of business: sleep for a week straight.

Julia Smut
1. Bat Skates (
2. Narcoleptic drifters, and the havoc they wreak.
3. Scrapbook pages about things I hate.
4. The warm summer weather approaching.

Kat Jetson
1. The Planet: The podcast for L Word fans. The funniest thing. In the world. Ever!
2. The Rapture, Pieces of the People We Love
3. Vinyl records. Yes, in general. (Sell your CDs now, kids, ‘cause they’ll be worth less than cassingles in about a week.)
4. Pink Floyd, “Lucifer Sam.” It sounds especially mind-bending on headphones.
5. Getting Daft Punk tickets.

Keith Rosson
1. Town Smokes by Pinkney Benedict (short stories)
2. Pteradon demo CD-R
3. Daitro, Laisser Vivre Les Squelettes LP
4. Witches With Dicks, Manual CD
5. The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien (short stories)

Five Recent Used Bookstore Graphic Novel Scores
1. Astro Boy vol. 2 and 14
2. Samurai Executioner vol. 9
3. Phoenix vol. 6
4. Johnny Nemo
5. Hopping Mad

Kurt Morris
1. Slayer, God Hates Us All CD
2. Osker, Idle Will Kill CD
3. Cursive, The Ugly Organ CD
4. Brazil, The Philosophy of Velocity CD
5. Welcome to Flavor Country #10 and #11 (zine)

Maddy Tight Pants
1. Pan’s Labyrinth!
2. Moldy Peaches, Unreleased Cutz and Live Jamz 1994-2002 CD
3. This Is My Fist, A History of Rats CD
4. Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement by Barbara Ransby
5. Hickey, Self-titled CD

Top Five Albums I Enjoyed While Printing Gig Posters This Week
1. Ramones, Ramones
2. Daughters, Hell Songs
3. Mastodon, Leviathan
4. Long and Short Of It, Flight of the Mallard
5. Sunn O))) and Boris, Altar

Mike Frame
1. Lucinda Williams, West CD
2. This Is My Fist, History of Rats CD
3. Lifetime, Self-titled CD
4. Queers, Munki Brain CD
5. AC/DC Maximum Rock & Roll (book)

Miss Namella J. Kim
Very Random Top Five
• The Intelligence “Dating Cops” video—Yes, as seen in the Food Network’s Bobby Flay Show. Nothing says art rock more than two poorly animated crabs singing and rocking out. If there’s a God, this clip would sweep the VMA’s this year.
• The Stooges, The Weirdness CD—The Abrahams of punk rock return. Their motto: “My idea of fun is killing everyone!”
• The Automatic, Not Accepted Anywhere CD—U.K.’s latest offering of politically conscious pop hook-laden postpunk soundscapes. 
• Peter Bjorn & John, Young Folks—It’s that very breathy cool pop that’s reminiscent of The Pastels. It kinda makes you wish you had a boyfriend and a very long scarf under the umbrella of shadow-stained tree.
• Wasted Youth (U.K.), Jealousy—just because…

Mitch Clem
Five Albums I’ve Listened to at Work At Least Once a Day for the Past Two Plus Weeks
1. Fleshies, Kill the Dreamer’s Dream
2. Archers Of Loaf, Icky Mettle
3. Bandits Of The Acoustic Revolution, A Call to Arms
4. Zeke, Dirty Sanchez
5. Paint It Black, Paradise

MP Johnson
• Christina Aguilera and the Pussycat Dolls live
• Stephen and Damian Marley live
• Dead Moon, Echoes of the Past CD
• Easy Action, Friends of Rock and Roll CD
Grindhouse (movie)

Mr. Z
Current Top Five Pizza Toppings
1. Artichoke hearts
2. Veggie sausage or veggie ground beef
3. Bell peppers
4. Jalapenos
5. Freshly diced tomatoes (yuck to sun dried tomatoes!)

Nardwuar The Human Serviette
1. The Sonics, Busy Body Live in Tacoma 1964 CD
2. Andrew WK motivational lecture, Empire Theatre, Vancouver BC
3. Equalizing Distort Volume 7 (zine)
4. The Book Of Lists, The Book Of Lists EP
5. Various Artists, Killed by Canada CD

1. Protex, Reissue
2. Clorox Girls, J'aime Les Filles
3. First Alert, Thrills and Spills of 48 Hour
4. Shell Shag, Destroy Me I’m Yours
5. Teenage Confidential, After School Rendezvous

Psychobilly Rob
1. Corpse Show Creeps, Black Blood Call
2. Miniskirt Blues, The Itch
3. Necromantix, Life Is a Grave,& I Dig It!
4. Billy Childish and Chatham Singers, Heavens Journey
5. DOM CON.2007 (This is a fetish fest! S and M, B and D, yaaaa!)

Rev. Norb
1. Queers, Munki Brain CD
2. Tearjerkers, Bad Mood Rising CD
3. Black & Whites, You’re the Only Girl 45
4. Artichoke, Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols CD
5. Various Artists, Trojan Mod Reggae Box Set 3 x CD

Rhythm Chicken
1. The Goodnight Loving, Cemetary Trails CD
2. Stressface, Oh...You’re Welcome CD
3. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (movie)
4. A Prairie Home Companion (movie)
5. The Tim Version and Nervous Dogs live at the Atlantic

Ryan Leach
1. Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday. This deserves recognition. Poor out some of your brew, homies.
2. Don DeLillo for ruling the novel format.
3. My Bloody Valentine for building on the promise of the Velvet’s White Light/White Heat.
4. Peter Laughner’s sincerity, erudition, and Albert Ayler fixation.
5. Razorcake for not sucking like every other Los Angeles-based rag, the latter chock-full of fools eager to suck the tit of paying advertisers. Banality abounds with these fucks in a fruitless effort to duplicate Arthur’s “hipness” (i.e. is it cool to cover the Demon’s Claw now? Is In The Red still hip?) Fucking heartless bastards. You know who you are. And by the way, that’s your conscious eating you up, not the side-effect of some controlled substance.

Sarah Shay
1. Even In Blackouts, Myths & Imaginary Magicians CD
2. The Loved Ones, Keep Your Heart CD
3. Steel Tigers Of Death, Cockpuncher CDEP
4. The Greencards, Viridian CD
5. Songs in ¾

Sean Koepenick
Top Five Naked Raygun Bootlegs I’m Enjoying—Courtesy of Sir Lewdd!
1. The Metro, Chicago, IL, 5/29/88
2. AJZ, Beilefeld, Germany, 6/4/89
3. Peppermint Lounge, NYC, 4/15/85
4. 7th Street Entry, Minneapolis, MN, 5/3/88
5. Eagle’s Club, Milwaukee, WI, 10/29/89

Speedway Randy
Top Five DVDs on Repeat
1. Borat
2. Half-Nelson
3. Penn & Teller: Bullshit
4. Lunacy
5. Overlord

Steve Larder
1. Neurosis, A Sun That Never Sets LP
2. Paul Baribeau, Self-titled CD
3. Set Fire To Flames, Sings Reign Rebuilder LP
4. Defiance, Ohio, The Great Depression LP
5. Dystopia, The Aftermath LP

1. Loudon Wainwright III, “The Swimming Song”
2. Modest Mouse, We Were Dead... CD
3. Arcade Fire, Neon Bible CD
4.’s good again (TV)
5. Jawbreaker, Dear You LP

Susan Chung
Top Five Songs
1. The Bombettes, “It Ain’t Me Babe”
2. The (International) Noise Conspiracy, “Inner City Rejects”
3. Common Rider, “Insurgents”
4. One Man Running, “Algebra”
5. Soda, “Basically the Same”

Todd Taylor
• Jay Reatard, Blood Visions LP
• Tiltwheel vs. Dan Padilla (Their sides of their respective splits. Tie.)
• Reagan SS, Bon Apetit! 7” EP
• Geisha Girls, In the Monotone b/w Last Touch 7”
• Hunchback / The Trashies, Split 7”
• Touch Me Nots, It’s Not Right But It’s Okay b/w Bag O’Money, Only Friends 7” EP

Travis T.
• The Trashies, What Makes a Man Get Trashed LP
The Walking Dead, comic book
Dork #11, comic book
• The Trashies, Louis Tully, Beach Patrol, Thomas Function live at The Tavern in Huntsville, AL.
• Opening day of the Huntsville Stars’ 2007 season on $1 beer night no less.

Ty Stranglehold
Top Five Bands to Screenprint to (This Month)
1. Riverboat Gamblers
2. The Zeros
4. Tiltwheel
5. Smogtown

Uri G.
1. Spring Break? busy busy busy...
2. New head! Laney Pro Tube Lead 50
3. Deadsea, live!
4. Possessed, Seven Churches CD
5. Budgie, Budgie album