HEXTALLS: Call It a Comeback: LP

When I put this record on, a loud groan erupted from my body. My ears folded over on their own, trying to block the music out. My body struggled toward the window for a quick escape, but I stood strong and listened. The songs sound so formulaic that I found it hard to differentiate one from the next. They all went on way too long. I sat through lines like “Michael Myers is a big homo” and songs with titles like “Puckward Nipples the 3rd.” My stamina paid off with the moderately rocking “Unicorn Rider,” during which I thought that this band could have done something nice with the 7” format. Then they rewarded my perseverance by slapping me in the face and closing out the first side with a phone message from the Doctor Phil show in which one of the show’s people said that she sent an e-mail to one of the guys in the band. Yeah, it’s that exciting. So is this record.

 –mp (House Party)