GREAT KAT, THE: Possini: CD

According to the press release, this is my cue to talk in character about how scared I am of Kat and how we must all bow before her or something. Hmm. I remember Kat (and feel free to use the Troy McClure voice here) from the ’80s and the day of metal mags with names like Metal Maniacs and Metal this and Metal that and while it impresses me that she is still doing this, she hasn’t updated at all (I saw the Ex a few weeks ago, and they impressed me as much as they did when I saw them 10 years ago, but in different ways and for different reasons – they grew in that 10 years that went by). Let me set the picture. There are many pictures of Kat in the CD art. She wears leather bikinis and spikes and bullets. She is not unattractive in an ’80s metal bikini girl poster way. She has big, long blonde hair, lots of “scary” makeup (which helps keep you guessing her age), every picture has her with her mouth open wide, showing all the teeth she can. I like Apocalyptica a lot. They are a four-piece piece cello act that does mostly Metallica covers, but a few others and a few originals. So they take speed metal and convert it to a classical hybrid. They do this with proper nods to both genres. It works, and I can imagine people who like either liking them. Kat is a novelty act. Of four songs on this CD, two are classical covers, including the William Tell Overture. The thing is, the William Tell Overture is already fast and manic, and so doing it fast and manic doesn’t do anything for me (as opposed to the Vandal’s punk/speed metal version of “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies”). The two originals are interesting enough musically, but, well, um, ok, I am going to print some lyrics, and I swear, these are the lyrics. Really. “Lick my ass, you fucking piece of shit, slime, moron FAG! Swallow my vomit, Muther Fucker!” (capitals as originally printed) from “Sodomize” “Squeeze his DICK OFF SLIT HIS HAIRY ASS (capitals as originally printed) from “Castration” Quality stuff, huh? And those are random samples – they don’t get any more lyrical or mature. It’s almost as if she is looking to get the PMRC started again.

 –rich (www.greatkat.com)