GIRLS, THE: Self-titled: CD

Ordinarily, i’d like nothing more than to come out here with my Slide Rule and Protractor of Rock & Roll and illustrate how the XTC corollary transects the A Frames molecule, thereby enabling the Diodes transmitter to bifurcate through the Epoxies prism and into the Mission of Burma gonad from the Brainiac central basin, and then a little shuck and jive about the record having that new car/new wave smell, but the band live just smelling like sweaty guys with funny colored hair just to ground it all in the Wreck modulator, but then i remembered that the Girls were the guys who held up the Boris/Girls split 45 (eventually unto death) so then, like, fuck it. Right? I am right! Oh, yeah, forgot the Saccharine Trust adapter. BEST SONG: “Derek I Can’t Go to the Beach” BEST SONG TITLE: “Making Plans for Derek” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Both this and the Wildhearts Riff After Riff album, reviewed elsewhere in the issue, contain unrelated songs entitled “Return to Zero.” “Return to Zero” – apart from being the name of an amazingly horrible post-Boston project ca. 1990 – is a control button on an analog tape deck that returns the tape to whatever spot you set your counter at.

 –norb (Dirtnap)