GIFT SHOP GIRLS: Aloha, Paradise: 7” EP

As we all know, the best format for a hardcore record is an eight-or-ten-song ((nine is right out)) 7”; and, thirty years ago, this is what that would have been ((although nobody was really making eight-song 7” hardcore records any more thirty years ago, because everyone wanted to make albums and be metal, but whatever)). However, I recently saw an ad for some purported “hardcore” label, which boldly trumpeted “THIS IS HARDCORE” over a group of photos of their releases, followed by “THIS IS BULLSHIT” above photos of the records we used to call “hardcore” thirty or thirty-five years ago, when we were inventing the genre ((you’re fucking welcome)) but apparently screwing it all up for everybody. With this new HC/BS revelation in place, I guess this record isn’t really an eight-song hardcore 7” in the eyes of whomever currently controls that word, it’s an eight-song “bullshit” 7”. WELL PARDON US ALL TO FUCKING PIECES, WON’T YOU? It sounds decent enough to me; seems like a logical successor to the We Can’t Help It If We’re from Floridacrowd. Carry on. BEST SONG: Songs are bullshit! BEST SONG TITLE: Song titles are bullshit! FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Fantastic amazing trivia facts are also bullshit, but it should be noted that the word “straight” in the song title “Straight and Narrow” is missing an “a” on the back cover. 

 –norb (Passion On Plastic, passiononplastic.com)