Jan 24, 2008

There is an axiom in rock’n’roll that says you can’t really go too wrong buying a record with a black cover and pink lettering ((and i should know, because i just now made it up)), and, in a general sense, that’s true here; however, what i really can’t get my brain around is how a band that writes such laughably shit-tacular lyrics like “your college boy brand of rock is doing mighty well for you and that’s just fine / you’re packing your shows, making more than a dime” could actually have the balls to include this line in their press writeup: “Pop punks ((sic)) songs absolutely need to have the hooks, but without quality lyrics and solid song structure they’re just fodder for the bargain bins of tomorrow.” I’m reading that, i’m like “Fuck YOU, ya little douches! Your lyrics are so bad i spent ten minutes trying to figure out if you were native English speakers, or from fuckin’ Lithuania or some god damn thing! Who the hell are YOU to go off on ‘quality song lyrics’ this, and ‘solid song structure’ that?! YOU FUCKIN’ DORKS WRITE SONGS WITH TITLES LIKE ‘CHERRY BOMB!!!’ HAVEN’T WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD SONG WITH THAT TITLE FOR LIKE OVER THIRTY YEARS NOW??? I HOPE JOAN JETT KICKS YOUR ASS WHILE LITA FORD EATS TIM HORTON’S STREUSEL CAKES OFF YOUR MOTHER’S BEST CHINA!!! AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!” Not a terribly bad record, really, but... i mean... holy crap, mon, get it together. BEST SONG: “What You Do” BEST SONG TITLE: “Cherry Bomb”...if you’re the FUCKING RUNAWAYS!!! FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: I wrote the song “Motherfucker Are You Ready To Rock?” in the front row of a Joan Jett concert.

 –norb (It’s Alive)