Mar 15, 2008

AT LAST IT CAN BE TOLD: I, Rev. Nørb, am partially of French-Canadian extraction!!! It’s true! My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother was one of Les Filles du Roi – “The Daughters of The King” – one of around 700 swingin’ young ladies shipped out from France in the 17th Century to what is now Quebec – essentially the French government’s attempt at keeping the colonists of Nouveau Francais down on the farm by trucking them over a few boatloads of brides, owing to the complete and utter scarcity of Quebecian poontang in the 1600s (rendering 17th Century Quebec essentially identical to 21stCentury Wisconsin, i might wish to add). So, yup, i come clean: My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother was a mail-order bride for some horny French-Canadian fur trapper. Now, you’re saying, gee, Rev. Nørb, that’s all well and good, but exactly how does your far-flung ethnic heritage have a god damn thing to do with the latest release from Nardwuar The American Original & Company? Glad you asked that, sir. You see, The Filles du Roi program was enacted under Louis XIV. Louis Quatorze, of course, had a song named after him recorded by Bow Wow Wow. Malcolm McLaren was Bow Wow Wow’s manager. Malcolm McLaren also managed the Sex Pistols. The Sex Pistols are in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (i THINK they’re in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame – but if they haven’t been inducted, i know for a fact that some of the original lyrics for the songs on Never Mind the Bollocks are on display in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, so that counts). The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland. Joe Siegel & Jerry Shuster were from Cleveland, and they invented Superman™. Jerry Seinfeld is such a big fan of Superman™ that, as i understand it, some manner of Superman™-image is visible in each and every episode of Seinfeld ever made. Who played George Costanza’s father on Seinfeld? Jerry Seinfeld’s dad! And who was Jerry Seinfeld’s dad recently in an AOL™ commercial with? That’s right! Snoop Dogg! And, on track 18 of Ripple Rock, who is caught in the act of absconding with Nardwuar’s Richard Pryor album? THAT’S RIGHT!!! SNOOP DOGGITY DOGG!!! So, as you can plainly see, Nardwuar and i are practically cousins! OUR GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GRANDPA JEROME TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO BUY THIS IMMEDIATELY!!! My side of the family doesn’t go to the reunions any more, though, on account of we got pissed the Anglos wouldn’t admit the Rougeau Brothers were greater athletes than Iron Mike Sharpe. BEST SONG: I know it’s a cover, but who here cannot ask themselves this question and not come up with “Barney Rubble Is My Double?” BEST SONG TITLE: “I Say That on Purpose to Bug You (But Not Intentionally)” FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: Also available on 8-track! 

 –norb (Alternative Tentacles)