DAVEY PORTER AND THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS: Mistakes Were Made: CD

Kenny Rogers’ face is a good example of something that’s gotten dramatically funnier and simultaneously more frightening as the years peal away. The Republican Party is another one. As if espousing a political philosophy only a little bit more sophisticated than that of a territorial toddler isn’t bad enough, some of the Grand Old Party’s most star-spangled mouthpieces outright physically resemble giant tantrum-prone toddlers: notably Rush Limbaugh, Karl Rove, Glenn Beck, Newt Gingrich. Then, in a bold move to become even more cartoon-like, the Republican Party maladroitly became the platform for the dim-bulb Homecoming Queen contingent, ala Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann. And by the time Joe the Plumber strode into the limelight, assumed a plumber’s squat, and let loose with his runny nuggets of “everyman” wisdom, the clown dung had basically hit the fan. But don’t get me wrong: Democrats are ridiculous too. On several levels, I tend to think that all political animals should be taken as seriously as balloon animals. But it’s not all laffs and pratfalls. There’s a scary side too; namely that the Neocons are such paragons of neurological rigidity and ideological inflexibility, what Robert Anton Wilson (I think) termed the “statutory ape.” They have an insect loyalty to their own overactive greed glands and to them shameless self-indulgence is considered a virtue. They start with their First Fundamental “Truth,” which is “nothing whatsoever should obstruct my ability to acquire the things I desire, particularly if I’m already well-to-do,” and then they move out from there, philosophically speaking, and formulate their worldview based on that one foundational “given.” These are people just screaming to be made fun of. They are setting a new standard for zealotry that used to be owned by cultists like the Branch Davidians and Facebookies. But disregarding them entirely could prove lethal, quite literally, to the entire planet, so it’s good to know that wise people like George Lakoff are providing New Enlightenment-based approaches to dealing with sanctimonious, hidebound Neocons on the socio-political level. But work also needs to be done on the satirical level. And that’s where Davey Porter And The Young Republicans step in. Davey Porter, in fact, even has that corn-fed, fat cat cherubim look made so popular by Limbaugh, Rove, et al. Or maybe his name is “Dudley”—I’m not real clear on that. Regardless of who’s who, Davey Porter And The Young Republicans is a trio who dress up like snooty Republicans (ala the Yuppie Pricks), and play metalized punk songs that extol the virtues of the Conservative-Life-Lived-Right and their lyrics ooze with such blubbery smugness that I can’t help but think of Newt Gingrich’s love handles. And according to the band bio, Porter even “out-Nuges” Ted Nugent in the category of grunt-snorting he-man conservative primitiveness by virtue of the fact the he was raised in the backwoods of North Carolina by a family of deer, who he later ate at the age of fourteen, after growing his first beard. Terrible Ted’s loin-clothed G. Gordon Liddy routine can’t touch that with a twelve-foot stink pole. Musically, you could make reasonable comparisons between the Young Republicans and bands like Fear, 1990s-era Meatmen, the Plasmatics, and even Iron Maiden. The only unfortunate thing is that this Davey/Dudley character, I’ll bet, probably works at the Guitar Center; his Dimebag Darryl guitar tone just sounds like it’s being filtered through an array of sound processing products he got at work with his thirty percent employee’s discount. But that’s a fairly minor quibble. It’s really the lyrics that are the focus here. If you are a fan of mock-conservatism along the lines of The Colbert Report or the Yuppie Pricks, you’ll at very least probably find this CD amusing in spots. Sure, it’s an easy target, but it’s also a fun target. Go get your copy of Mistakes Were Made and have a few laughs before this country’s second Civil War breaks out between the Cutthroat Neocons and Everyone Else. This stuff might not seem quite as funny once that happens.

 –Aphid Peewit (Self-released)