CRETINS OF DISTORTION #5 / KILL YR PARENTS GARDEN #9: $?, 7” x 8”, copied, 6 pgs.

From the cold, insipid heart of America comes the explosively degenerate split fanzine you’ve been waiting for! Cretins of Distortion literally melts your brain with thirty-one retrospective reviews of Midwest punk bands. Emmy Ramone pays tribute to the important gems of punk history, such as Articles Of Faith (early ‘80s Chicago hardcore) who are “as interesting as the Big Boys and as in your face as Black Flag.” Now that’s something that will really get your liquefied frontal cortex boilin’! If you happened to have overlooked Phil ‘N The Blanks, here’s your chance to do just that with your record collection. Layout includes cool album art and old band photos of these rockin’ Midwest babes amongst the praising reports of Gulcher Records bands. Last but not least is a word search featuring “Ten Sick Bands,” one of them being my personal favorite of 2014: the weirdo, manic, punk sound outta Northwest Indiana, Coneheads! Flip and spin, on to Kill Yr ParentsGarden.It’s always refreshing to be able to commiserate with others on the decline of civilization but it isn’t always the most welcomed conversation topic. This past year, in particular, has been an exceptionally weird and depressing one. Macklin’s despondent introduction on the world’s current state of disrepair got me clean in the gut. He interviews Tmac (of Glow God) on the OKC punk scene, squats in Germany, and examines the differences of political agendas/power of communities in the U.S. vs. Europe. This interview is so good; it gave me the chills. Sweet layout and copy machine art. This zine left me asking myself, “When is a better time for punk than now in the midst of all this bullshit?” –Robin Effup (Cretins Of Distortion, 2656 Dayton Ave., Columbus, OH 43202, [email protected] / Kill Yr Parents Garden, 1719 W. Albion, Chicago, IL 60626, [email protected])