Crappy Dracula is Gerard Butler, who played Dracula in Dracula 2000. Some may argue that Frank Langella was a crappier Dracula, but they are incorrect. On this record, Gerard Butler Dracula plays exsanguinated and dizzy jazz squawks about the horrors of Bill Cosby and weightlifting. Regardless of how weird you may feel after listening to this record, you are safe. Crappy Dracula cannot hurt you. Only a noncrappy Dracula can hurt you.