COOL MUTANTS: Self-titled: Cassette

I don’t know about you, but when I’m forced to listen to a band’s cassette, I’m already pretty fed up with the band. First, I’ve got a good three minutes to remember why cassettes are obsolete as I’m struggling to get the plastic packaging off. Then I have ten minutes to diagnose what’s wrong with the cassette player on my stereo and fifteen minutes to try to make the cassette play before remembering that it broke four years ago and I never bothered fixing it because why would I? Then there’s another ten minutes of digging out my other cassette player from one of the boxes in the closet although I’m not sure which one. Then a good thirty-five minutes are completely gone because I’ve stumbled upon a box of old flyers which prompted me to call my ex to see if she remembers seeing The Bouncing Souls with me in senior year of high school. Then I subtly try to feel her out for a bit to gauge whether or not she’s seeing anyone. Then I find out she is and get depressed and make myself pizza bagels. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, this band isn’t very good.

 –Dan Ozzi (Let’s Pretend)