COKE DARES, THE /: Split: 7”

So Glenn Danzig and Siouxsie Sioux coupled, right? And she eventually gave birth to a little vampire baby. The little vampire baby wanted to, like, suck bone marrow and all that shit, all that stuff vampire babies like to do. But this one, he also wanted to be Tom Jones so fucking bad. He’d listen to TJ’s live LPs all night long. Studying his moves, his persona, his sex appeal, all that. That vampire baby, I’m quite convinced, is Mark Mallman. His side of the split is a shlocky, campy, spooky tune called “In Love Witcha.” Kind of like if The Minds decided to cover the very first Misfits 7”, but they were more goth than they actually are and had smoked a ton of pot earlier that day and didn’t really play any instrument that well besides the organ. And plus, they all wanted to be Tom Jones. Yeah, you’re right, it’s a stretch, but you get the idea. The Coke Dares fare much better, if only because I’m pretty sure all three of their songs run under a minute long each. Pretty inoffensive, low-key, kinda sorta punk stuff. The one-sheet that came with this says they’re “simply a fucking riot,” but I’m gonna have to disagree with that one. But at least they’re not a goddamn vampire baby who wants to be Tom Jones, right? Comes with a CD-R of the same songs from the 7”, which is a nice idea.

 –keith (Nodak)