CHRONICS, THE: Soul Shaker: CD

Aaah, I’ve just painlessly died and gone to psychosonic garagerock heaven! The Chronics rumble, roar, and robustly growl with a sinister ear-buzzin’ onslaught of gritty and grimy Nuggets-style sounds that unexpectedly punched me smackdab in the middle of my rosy-red nose and effortlessly laid me out like a motherfucker! This is the inimitable balls-out equivalent and cacophonously crazed counterpoint to The Yardbirds, The Who, The Animals, The Troggs, The Standells, and The Sonics in all of their wildly demented, overly distorted, belligerently bad-ass glory: soulful and blue-eyed, sexually-charged king-of-the-jungle vocals that’ll cause the lil’ ladies to uncontrollably wet their frilly lil’ panties; fuzzy and fleshy, mean and nasty swirling guitar savagery; spirited lightning-flash streaks of electric organ terror; wild-eyed sulfate-huffin’ Keith Moon-inspired drumming madness; and violent brain-rattlin’ eruptions of volcanic cranked-to-the-max bass. Hell yeh, it’s pure primitive rock’n’roll ferocity like this that motivated Satan to fall from the graces of Heaven, that inspired Jesus to walk on water, that makes the A-bomb sound like a baby bumblebee’s buzz, that creates an unquenchable thirst within me for all things dark, decadent, and drunkenly debauched. Hhhmmm, I just can’t control myself… I’m shakin’ all over, ’cause I’ve got a bad case of The Chronics. Nothing else compares (or even comes close)! -Roger Moser, Jr. (an embarrassing endnote of sorts: after finishing this review, I exhiliratedly listened to this life-altering release for another two hours… just sittin’ on the sofa, mesmerized and tantalized, heartily guzzlin’ can after can of ice cold brew. At one point, I joyously leapt to my feet and spastically played the ol’ air guitar along with the addictively intoxicatin’ sounds contained herein… unfortunately, at the very moment I chose to madly leap about and jam with The Chronics, my brother just happened to be peering through the window… it seems he had continuously rang the doorbell, but I didn’t hear him due to the excessively loud volume I was crankin’ The Chronics. Although he got a hearty chuckle due to my juvenilistic antics, and I was blushin’ beyond belief, at least he brought more beer!)

 –guest (Bad Afro)