BRIEFS, THE: Sex Objects: CD

…something about this record Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… can’t exactly put my finger on Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… “Orange Alert,” presumably a cautionary tale about their last Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… and, while i can certainly appreciate the unbridled craftsmanship it takes to introduce the lead to a song called “Halfsize Girl” with the impassioned reminder to “keep it short!” you’ve eventually got to admit that Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits…so like aren’t songs like “Destroy the USA” and “No More Presidents” just the aging punkly equivalent of those old tribute/spoof ‘50s type numbers decaying rockers in the ‘70s and ‘80s used to occasionally include on their albums (i’m thinking that “Wham-a-lama-lama-lama rock and roll is king” song by ELO here but that’s probably not a very good Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… songs are actually the Briefs’ equivalent of “Old Time Rock & Roll???” CAN THIS BE HAPPENING??? Now, granted i Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits…but overreacting or not, i can’t help but Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits…you know? On the brighter side Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… almost Seussian lyrics like “I picked it up, it weighed almost an ounce / on the top was a name that I couldn’t pronounce,” “Mystery Pill” is the exact type of midtempo, easily comprehensible number college DJs (at least used to) wet their Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… with some authority that “Sally I Can’t Go to the Beach” is the best song with the word “Beach” in the title of the last fifteen years, and the best song with the name “Sally” in the title ever! That’s right! Fuck you, Wilson Pickett! Fuck you, Sir Mack Rice! Fuck you, Dick! Fuck you, Jane! Fuck you, Spot! The Briefs are coming to Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… which is what the Toy Dolls started relying too much on during their long, protracted decline as well, so really i woulda saved my “Clash City Rockers” larceny for Golden Shower of Hits… Golden Shower of Hits… with “Lifestyles of the Truly Lazy,” which is just stupid. Hey, Ronald Reagan died within four days of me hearing the song “No More Presidents,” too bad you guys weren’t a band twenty years ago. BEST SONG: “Sally I Can’t Go to the Beach,” but i will also accept “Mystery Pill” as an alternate lifestyle BEST SONG TITLE: “Killed By Ants,” because who in this post-Adam universe even bothers to recall the punk/ant connection so viably established by Eater in 1978? FANTASTIC AMAZING TRIVIA FACT: This record cover is red, yellow, gray and black and therefore does not coordinate with any of my outfits. Please do not tape it to me.

 –norb (BYO)