BRANDNEW: Your Favorite Weapon: CD

Mass appeal. Can you say MTV? I want to direct the video. I will dress them in the latest skate wear – brand logos that are jumping out of the screen so that they can get extra money from their clothing sponsors. Oh, I can’t forget the studded belts and the chain wallets. I would go to the local punk record store and place all over their instruments punk stickers of every punk band that ever existed. That would give them credibility. Make sure their haircuts are spikey and shiny and at least one member would have a florescent color dyed in right before the shoot. They would have to look like they are individuals. I would have them lip syncing live at an outdoor arena with a high school aged group as an audience fueled on cheap keg beer. Making sure the crowd is going to look energetic, I would yell, “More blood, more beer!” Nothing promotes attention more than underage drinking and free beer mixed together. While shooting the performance, I would yell, “Jump!” every ten seconds at the band to “show” their energy. At one point, I would instruct the singer to take his shirt off so he can show off his fake tattoos, stage prop piercings and the top of his boxers to attract a larger female audience. Oops, I must be blending together a Blink 182 video with a Good Charlotte video. Fuck it. It will still work.

 –don (Triple Crown)