Annotated Boris, The: Deconstructing the Lyrical Majesty of Boris the Sprinkler : By Rev. Nørb, 288pgs By Dan Ozzi

Let’s do this “Choose Your Own Adventure” style. Your options are: 1. “Boris The Sprinkler is my favorite band,” 2. “I like Boris The Sprinkler okay I guess,” and 3. “I’ve never heard Boris The Sprinkler.” Let’s start with option 1: You think Boris The Sprinkler was the best band ever, in which case, you are very likely an audience limited to the mothers of the band. Hi moms! Since you love Boris so much and can’t get enough of their songs, this book is for you. Written by Boris frontman Rev. Nørb, this book is 288 pages, jam-packed with facts about every single song the band ever released, including lyrics and their meanings, back stories about the songs, and tales of tours and printing records. So if you were always dying to know what the band’s song “Little Yellow Box” means, it is explained in this super heavily-footnoted book. (Hint: It’s about Asian women’s vaginas.) This is the companion book to the songs you’ve been enjoying for years.

Option 2: You own some Boris The Sprinkler records but they’re not your favorite band ever. The good thing about this book is that you can pick it up and just flip to the songs you know. Maybe you keep it in your bathroom and just read the section about “Gotta Whiz” on your down time. That song came about after a truly inspiring story about having to pee.

And lastly, option 3: You have no familiarity with Boris The Sprinkler. Well, then this book isn’t likely to make a fan out of you. It’s hard to capture the weird culture of the band via printed word. Unless you happen to enjoy essays about guys who dress like Wolverine and M&M’s, then by all means. –Dan Ozzi (Bulge, Bulge.biz)